Annual Praise Report 2011

Thank you Lord for the following things this year:

1. I graduated from college.

2. I came back home and I am now living with my family after 7 years of living away.

3. I became a regular member of a church in my hometown.

4. I got my first formal teaching job in a high school (and I am teaching Filipino! - my least favorite subject before, lol and history - very interesting)

5. I passed the Licensure Examination for Teachers and am now a licensed high school teacher. 

6. My brother and his soon-to-be wife began to have a personal relationship with God.

7. I was baptized.

8. I got myself a bicycle and use it to try to keep fit.

9. I learned how to swim!

10. I met someone special that God used to bless me and shape my heart. Although, our future together is in the hands of God. Whatever He wants, I will follow. :-) And I should add that it's another blessing that I am able to say this from the heart.

This year has been filled of new things, new adjustments - met new friends, said goodbye to old ones, experienced heartaches, loneliness, confusion, hilarious times with friends and family, little and big joys, peace of mind, change of mindset, exploration of new knowledge and paradigms.. and most especially, lived another year walking with the Lord. It is like wine - it just keeps getting better and better as the years go by.

To my Lord Jesus Christ, we had a another blast. Thank you for sharing your heart with me through the years.

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"   

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

Water into Wine

image source: http://www.industryleadersmagazine.com/bring-it-on-scream-wine-lovers-bumper-profit-threatening-harvest-in-new-zealand/

                In a wedding feast at Cana, Jesus turned water into wine because the host had run out of it. The master of ceremonies who didn’t know where the wine had come from tasted it and said, “A host always serves the best wine first then when everyone has had a lot to drink, he brings out the less expensive wine. But you have kept the best until now!” (John 2:10)

                Based on the Jewish practice, the guests would have understood if the wine that came last were inferior to those served first. Jesus, however, opted to make nothing but the best kind.

                Later in his ministry, Jesus began to have many people following after him – five thousand of them in one day and Jesus’ intention to feed each one shocked the disciples. Philip, one of them said, “Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!” (John 6:7)  But there was one boy there with five loaves and two fish. He offered them to Jesus who multiplied them so that everyone ate as much as they wanted. There were even leftovers!

                When Jesus works, only the best is produced and people are satisfied. This is how He works in our lives too. We work hard to make our lives better but there are times when we run out of wine or we can’t feed five thousand and the only option we have left is to tell the guests the party is over or tell the crowd to go home because we have none to offer them.

                But we can offer God our water and ask him to turn it into wine, our five loaves and two fish and ask him to multiply them. To ask him to do so is an act of faith – a way of allowing God who could do the supernatural to interfere in the natural, a way of allowing a big God to meddle in the small stuff - a way of surrendering in an ordinary way so that God could do the extraordinary. Our water could be anything we have – a sickness, an insecurity, a meaningless life, a failed expectation or a broken relationship. Our five loaves and two fish could be anything we think as insufficient – a meagre pay, a deteriorating strength or so little time to do so many things. To accept the way God would work after we have surrendered is a part of our faith-defining gesture of offering our water, our five loaves and two fish to Him.

One thing is for sure, though, our wine will turn out to be the best and our five loaves and two fish will multiply and we end up satisfied. But we have to do one thing first – surrender to Him.

Orchestration

image source: http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap071021.html

A light bulb lit in my head today. It was strange, though, that it happened in the bathroom. 

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)

In my head, I dissected every word of this verse and came upon the following realizations:

* God - He is the doer of the action expressed in the verse, not me or anyone else - I should not be the one trying to make everything work together; it is God's job

* causes - bringing about an effect or a result - God never wastes any stage of life; He uses every single moment of it 

* everything - all things - including the bad and good events - all things!

* to work together - life may sometimes seem so random, like series of events that don't mean anything - but in God's omnipotence, He can make all of them work together - for what?

* for the good - life is hard sometimes - but God intends all events of life for the good - of who?

* of those who love God- Who then are the people who love God? 

"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me." (John 14:21)

However, many people think they are loving Him, simply because they are trying to obey His commands. To love God, you have to accept His love first. 

"We love him, because he first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

Have you done that?

What does it mean to accept God's love? It is too broad, it would take infinite number of words to explain it. John 3:16, however summarized it: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

To accept His love, we have to believe in His Son, Jesus Christ. For one cannot love the Father, if not through the Son - because by His sacrifice, those who accept Him into their lives have been made right with God.

* who have been called according to his purpose for them - as long as you know you are walking according to God's purpose for your life (whatever it is), then you can be assured that this promise is for you (provided of course, that you love Him)

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)

Blessings

image source: http://www.cc.gatech.edu/cpl/projects/graphcuttextures/

At the onset of this year, I asked God for a specific promise and then He gave me this:

“..I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)

I took it as God’s promise of blessing for me for the year 2011. There are only 30 days left before this year ends and so far, what I thought I had got were a failed expectation – when I did not graduate with honors last March and a love story with a sad and painful ending that contributed much to my making God into my own image and likeness. I started to feel like He delights in withholding things from me, that the thought of “doing so to make me become closer to Him” is not only clichéish but lame. I have noticed refusing to see the drama of life – concluding that perhaps, everything is simply pragmatic, and my former self who was hopeful and child-like had been immature after all. I noticed how I almost stopped believing in His romantic side – that His gaze is upon me and He is seeing me through. Like a child that never stops wailing thinking mom does not know what I need, I sometimes thought and acted as if He does not really know what I need or if He does, He does not really care. After all, He could be busy running this whole universe – for His glory and His alone.

“I’m at the wrong place at the wrong time,” is the thought I tend to believe in. Has God made a mistake in sending me here? Or I just didn’t hear His will clearly? Is this how he is blessing me?

These days, I have been thinking a lot about my future – how it would be nice to go abroad to reach out to those who don’t know Christ - perhaps, use my skills in doing so, how it would be great to do it with a man God has chosen for me. Oh, how my heart aches for this.

But God’s word today at church reminded me once again to be still.

Simply be still...

Nothing wrong with thinking about the future – in fact, to go and preach His word is His command – but to think too much of it at the expense of what God has in store for me today is a sin in itself – a way of saying I don’t trust Him enough and that I think this life He has given me now is inferior to what He has planned for the future.

Nothing wrong with desiring for marriage – it is God’s gift – but to not see other facets of life because of it is a sin in itself.

Just because I don’t have a huge ministry this year or a 5-digit salary per month or a romance that sends tingles down my spine doesn’t mean I am not blessed. I realized that the absence of such things in my life is the blessing in itself. Perhaps, God wants to build my character or He is testing my faith or He is simply making me rest or all of the above.

To simply wait and rest in Him is the best way I could serve Him at this point in my life.

My tears came rolling down my cheeks as I listened to the message and the song, “Blessing” by Laura Story.

It felt as if God was talking straight to my face. Of course, that couldn’t happen. I was just sure He was speaking straight to my heart.

His giving and withholding are both manifestations of His love. His blessings come in many forms and how stupid of me to have put Him in a box as to how mine would look like this year.

With all that I have and with all that I don’t, I give my praise to thee! Thank you for my 2011! 

There's More to It

image source: http://martyrollins.wordpress.com/2011/03/04/the-utter-necessity-of-purpose/

DISCLAIMER: This article conforms to the belief that sex is intended only for married people.

Sigmund Freud, a popular psychologist and the father of psychoanalysis would say that man’s drives are all driven by the libido – in other words, whatever one says or does, it all boils down to his or her sexuality. I respect Freud and I believe in his other theories (and you will even find the word, ‘sublimate’ in this article). In my observation of humanity, however, I found this one to be untrue. Of course, I don’t deny the relation between the libido and other aspects of being human – but what I discovered instead was that if one is not vigilant and self-controlled, his or her dreams and aspirations can easily reduce themselves to mere expressions of sexuality.

When I speak of dreams and aspirations, I speak of human’s unique dreams – his or her desire to be the best that he or she could be and ultimately make a difference in other people’s lives and contribute to make the world a better place. In my membership to an organization inclined to talking with people (even strangers) heart-to-heart, I have realized that everyone wants to achieve something great – be it a simple help for a family member or an entire community, or a desire to change the world in some way. Such dreams are gifts from above and every day ought to be a way to achieve them, or an endeavour one-step nearer to its reality. Many, however, would opt for the second best in life – forget about this and pursue easier ways to enjoy life. They have become slaves of their sexual energy and not masters of it.

Sexual energy that manifests itself in sexual desires is a part of the whole energy that is intended for one to achieve his or her purpose. It is never a separate compartment in a person’s life. It is not a tranquilizer or a mere pastime – it is a celebration. There is a reason why God prohibits sex out of marriage – depriving singles from enjoying it. He wants to say that there is more to life! In short, sexual energies in singles ought to sublimate creatively for more productive, helpful outputs - all part of God’s plan for them at a certain point in their lives. As God’s children, we let sexual desires sublimate this way - to please God and to fulfil His purpose through our lives – not the other way around.

Sex may help us forget things – even those planted deep in our hearts but it is never true that it’s all about it. We are all made for something great – larger than life itself and we should watch over it simply slipping into inferior, demonic ways.

I Look

image source: http://www.citylifechurch.net/Articles/160992/City_Life_Church/resources/Messages/Jesus_and_the_Cross.aspx

I look at the world and I am wearied -

lost in its troubles, clueless of its cure

I look at others and I am worried -

envious of their possessions, comparing myself to them

I look at Jesus and I see the cross

reminded of its purpose, rebuked of my attitude

I look at Him and I turn my sighs into praise

recalled his saving grace, tongue-tied of its glory

My Nephews' Artworks

KJ Balquin's:

Angry Birds

KJ's, CJ's, NJ's house

mighty eagle

ostrich

pea shooter

bow and target

CJ's mountain

Wolf

NJ's kite

CJ Balquin's:

Walking

Rainy Day

This Can't Be It

image source: http://truthworks.org/?p=1294

There are times in your life when you seem to have arrived at a dead end – and instead of seeing light at the end of a tunnel, you see darkness. It’s as if you took the wrong road, looked at the wrong map, or overlooked road signs. Then the only thing you could say is, “This can’t be it!”

You look around and try to find your way back – but you hear a whisper in your heart saying that you’re on the right path. You sense little signs as God’s way of telling you that you really are (and you sometimes hate it). Subconsciously (or consciously) thinking that He might have mistaken, you start to divert the blame on Him for dumping you in a point of no return. You may not verbalize it, nor do you blatantly recognize your resentment against your present state but often, actions speak louder than words as your angst against God’s will manifests itself in your words, in your reactions to situations and certain people, eventually seen in your prayer life and service to Him.

This dead-end feeling often happens when you relocate, switch jobs, break relationships, start new ones, establish a new business – generally, journey into a new phase/route in life that is out of your comfort zone, you conclude how cruel life could be.

I lived in a big city for seven years, had a great time enjoying my studies in a university I was sure God was leading me to. I was also a leader of a Christian group that gave me the belongingness I needed. We were committed to help changing the society by sharing Christ to young people and helping them grow spiritually. I had various circles of friends – mentors of different views, peers I laughed and cried with and young girls who I helped grow spiritually and whose lives changed before my very eyes. I didn’t have the best of everything but God’s grace allowed me to see and enjoy the best of my portion. Then He led me to come home.

To come home is sometimes to leave home – the familiar world you have become used to – to face that which is now unfamiliar and sometimes even strange.

Yes, I followed God but there were many times I lived on the notion that “there is a better life out there!” and the life I’m living now is inferior to what I had idealized in the past. “This can’t be it!”

I also saw how my high school friends one-by-one left the ranks of singles – looked at myself and thought perhaps marriage would make me feel better – and make life become more promising. I could forget about my “ideal man” and just settle for whoever shows interest. This could make me forget about my passion for change in the society, my dream of going to another country to share Christ or be an advocate of healthy-living that altogether require much of my time and energy.

But God would not let me settle for such a life. He always has a way of not only directing it but making me accept His will wholeheartedly.

The day before the licensure examination for teachers – one of the biggest tests of my life (And I do mean a real test), I decided to have a positive attitude. I chose to smile at snobbish SM salesladies and be kind even to grumbling jeepney drivers. I did not even fret having realized there was a shortage of Mongol 2 pencils and that I had failed to anticipate such a circumstance. That night, I could not sleep. Zero hour of sleep. The next day, I decided to remain positive – to tell my body especially my brain to function well despite the lack of energy. Indeed, the two tuna sandwiches, the rice, tuna flakes, cucumber and banana I had prepared at 4 A.M. that day sufficed for the 10-hour examination - plus a lot of positive thinking.

Feeling like a zombie, I went home, went straight to bed and had one of the deepest sleeps of my life.

The next day, I appreciated the power of decision. If I could decide for such a thing as that, I could also decide for other things in my life. With this experience plus the help of a book I was reading and the preaching of the pastor that Sunday, I decided to change the way I viewed my present life – my life back home. I chose to overlook differences I had with family members and try to live peacefully with them and hopefully believe that God is in control of us. I chose to honour my mother (as per the preaching of the pastor that Sunday). I also decided to have a more positive attitude about my job as a teacher. I began to cling to the belief that God has a perfect will for me and my role is to be willing to discover it and be patient in the process – that while I can’t understand things, I need to trust that He is doing what is best – that while I can’t make sense of random events, I must do what I deem right all the time and not fret as if I am a better planner than Him. In short, I chose to stop playing God.

I realized that I decide for things which take on meanings as I see them and my feelings along the way are just offshoot of my attitudes and choices. It is true that God is good but to make this truth real in my life, I must choose to not only believe it but make it influence my circumstance. Otherwise, it is just another quote.

My life is totally different now. I have just begun a career path as an educator. I am 26 years old, single – in search of God’s will for my life every day. I liked my life in the city. But where I am now is not inferior to whatever stage I have been in or will ever be. God cannot be confined to my idea of where I should be. After all, He is too big and powerful, it is not only embarrassing to tell him what to do; it is foolish. I need to shut up the voice inside me that says, “This can’t be it!” and yell back and say, “THIS IS IT!” I need to believe God when He says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

A Walk to Remember

I took my nine year-old nephew out for a walk one late Sunday afternoon when there was no electricity in the house. His protective mother was giving her litany of do’s and don’ts as he and I put on our sneakers - having only one thing in mind – FUN which means a chance to talk like there’s no tomorrow and experience things together. My nephew is a good conversationalist, he probably makes more sense than some adults. He asks questions that are sometimes out of this world, I feel challenged to think deep  and develop skills to answer them. Because he is a kid, I figured it requires conscious effort to deal with it. I perceive it this way because as a kid, I too had a lot of questions – questions not answered well or not at all. He would ask often about science – animals, nature. Looking lost in a moment (in deep thoughts, perhaps), he would look up to me and share a trivia. Because of him, I now know how to counter-attack sharks (punch them in the nose) and that butterflies get to live only for about two weeks and that it’s strange, based on his analysis, that my mom never kills butterflies but kills caterpillars. His mom and my mother (his grandmother) are protective, they curse mosquitoes that fly around him. I have a different view about protecting people, though. Believing it should go beyond the physical, I deem more important is protecting them from ignorance.

        So off we went to our destination – this place by the sea. This is where I often go for a walk, to jog around and to spend time being alone. On the way, I took him on stone edges overlooking the sea. Despite his hesitation, he took my hand and sat on the edge with me – watching fish swim under the bridge and little children pick up shells with their father. He was amazed at the sight of an infant in a stroller just left on the beachside while the rest of the family fished with their improvised hook-line-and-sinker. We passed by a cornfield – and he learned that it had been a cornfield all this time. We smelled and probably stepped on goat manure and he learned those circle thingies had been that.

        “I can’t believe I have walked this far,” he would say.

        We finally arrived at the seaside – people jogging, fishing, playing sports, singing songs. We sat on the edge and he exclaimed upon seeing a sea snake. We went farther and saw little crabs (Do you call them crablets?) and a school of fish. I asked him if those fish in the school are smarter than the other fish. He would smile. I’m glad his being smart has not compromised humor.

        It was around six and the sun had begun to set. It was my time to share a trivia. I told him the sunset only becomes beautiful because of dust. I stared at it for a moment – a mix of indigo and orange, surrounding a huge ball of fire – all together reflected on the water. It was too bright, I could only stare at it for a time. To capture it by film or words would be inferior to the experience of being there, watching it. The sunset marked the end of the fine day that was – and the ending had to be nothing else but grandiose. I resolved that endings are not so bad after all and can even be beautiful. Though he was having so much fun watching the crabs crawl, I had to take his hand. It was getting dark. We started walking back because it was time to go home.

Life with You

Life with You is not always a mat on a meadow,

but at times a hanging bridge between two high mountains

Not a storm-free journey into the wild,

but a boat unsinkable by wind and waves

Life with You is not a tearless pursuit,

or a smooth road deprived of danger

it is a jump from a plane with just the wind for support

or a boat ride in the midst of a storm

With you, I'm a Fiona you would free from the tower

a Rapunzel you would die for

at the same time a Joan of Arc or Queen Elizabeth I

you would send to battle

You let life remain unsafe

yet you don't cease to be my fortress

I am not immuned to pain and danger

but my hope in You gives it a lot of sense

Life isn't always nice but You said 

"Cheer up! I have overcome the world."

And that makes all the difference...

-JCR (10/14/2011)

Let Me

 image source: http://www.atlagemgmtmed.com/about/about/overview.php

Let my heart be content, that I might search no more
rested in your arms, delighted in your presence
Let not my soul forget that I am wedded to you
my mind and my spirit captured by your beauty

Let me use my life to make yours be known
so that slaves are freed, bondages are broken
Let me walk on paths that will lead only to you
and pursue ways that make you glad

Let my words be about your grace
my thoughts be of your goodness
Let me go through pain if that will draw me to you
through loneliness that I might feel your comfort

Let me forget the aching desires of my flesh
that your sufficient love might fill my every space
Let me look past my hardships that I might look to your strength
and my inadequacies that I might trust in your sufficiency

-JCR (October 9, 2011)

Your DNA

What makes you tick?

Even before we were born, even before our marriages and our dream jobs was this special purpose God designed for us. It's like a DNA - it's so unique, people will know it's yours. 

We have had hints as to the need to pursue it - the way our hearts leap at a sight of nature we want to capture by painting or encapsulate the beauty it brings through words, the way our hearts get tickled by little children wide-eyed with curiosity listening to us teach or how infrastructures make us picture our version of their design and functionality.

We were made unique by God. No writer is the same with another. No construction worker could do the same task exactly the way another would.

Shakespeare is one - Chaucer is another.

You - I am unique.

What we should bring out into this world is that uniqueness. Instead of laboring on creating patterns of others for ourselves, we should put our hearts into becoming the best that we could be. 

Most of us, though, have forgotten or do not even know that we are all destined for such greatness. Most of us have settled for the second best of life. We have secured ourselves in the "patterns" the world created for us. We have neatly caged ourselves in boxes where we do not fit - others even applaud us for it.

We don't want victory - we want survival. This in itself is tragedy. Someone once said, "the most tragic thing that could happen to anyone is not dying - but dying without a purpose."

This purpose transcends our little successes; it does not come by self-actualization but by revelation (according to Rick Warren, of course); it is not synonymous to money and it cannot and shouldn't be quenched even by the most romantic love story. 

On Suicidals

image source: http://www.thebipolarmarriage.com/suicide-prevention/

I was watching Fox Crime awhile ago and I was shocked and deeply moved by the story of this very bright and known-to-have-a-good-disposition college freshman who, having been triggered by an online group of suicidal people, finally decided to end her life.

The site was very sophisticated - complete with all the details a suicidal wants to know and should know - from the different ways of doing it to tips on writing suicidal notes.

I was struck by this line in hers (a paraphrase, of course): "We all need to cope in life. I just don't want to cope anymore."

I figured it's a wilder world in the web. Demons have disguised themselves digitally and have become very good at it. Our news on national TV are of apparent events of society - people getting killed here and there, women being abused, wars over some piece of land - but wars, commotions, battles are many within the hearts and souls of people behind monitors and in front of web cams.

The family of the girl exerted effort to help ban and file criminal cases against such sites. But like the usual case - no law could support it. 

Our failures in passing good laws against internet crimes is one thing - thinking about what the girl had to go through and what could have been done to save her is another. I wish I was there to tell her NO. 

It's not that people can not cope - when people decide it's the end, they just can't find any solid reason to keep coping. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If just, by any chance, you feel you're suicidal, DO NOT seek help from those who also need help. Blind people cannot lead other blind people. It's not only stupid; it's impossible.

If you're from the Philippines, this will help:

Manila Lifeline Centre 
Hotline: (02) 8969191
Hotline: Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191

Or if not:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

ALWAYS

ALWAYS

by Hillsong

Did You rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might
Know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I've known marked
With my maker's fingerprints?

Breathe on me
Let me see Your face
Ever I will seek You

Chorus:
'Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You
Oh with you

Can I feel You in the rain?
Abandon all I am to have You
Capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives
To glorify one name?

Breathe on me
Let me see Your face
Ever I will seek You

Chorus (x2):
'Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

Oh God, I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you
(x2)

Oh Jesus!

'Cause all I wanna do
is just be with you
I love you Lord! I love you Lord!

Ever I will seek you... (x4)

Chorus (x2):
'Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

Oh God, I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you
(x2)

Oh, Oh, Jesus

Misunderstood

image source: http://conchitasopenbook.tumblr.com/page/2

The Lord never promised a hazard-free life. He, however, assured us of His goodness whatever state we are in. Imagine a perfect life - never having to get wet in the rain and wait by a taxi stand for hours. Then you finally arrive home, take a shower, put on warm clothes and sipping hot chocolate, you sit on a couch. You bask in the warmth and the feeling of security. Isn't this an allegory of a better life ahead? A reminder of His loving-kindness? Would the perfect life draws us closer to Him? 

If we look at God simply as a cosmic element or just the Author of our life story, it becomes easy to see ourselves as mere puppets, consequently hoarding bitterness towards Him for all the wildness of the world.

God is more than those things, though. He does not only author our story, we co-star with Him in the play of our lives. He does so for he not only wants to display power, he also wants to demonstrate love. To demand it by manipulation is a violation of its very essence.

Some of us still don't get it, though. Overwhelmed of his power, or perhaps deceived into believing that He is simply power-tripping, we work our way trying to earn His favor and love. We recite prayers others made for us; His presence is bound in the corners of our baroque churches and the most popular - we please Him to make our dreams come true and not the other way around. 

And so our spiritual lives are compartmentalized, like some costume we only wear on Sundays, a song we sing only on Christmas, an attitude we only have during holy week.

"The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.'" (Isaiah 29:13)

God's love is not for sale. If it were, no one could afford it. Yes he is a wild God but never too wild to not be good - never too powerful to not be loving.

Not Just the Coffee

Being in a coffeeshop like Starbucks is not just about having good coffee (not that I'm promoting their catch line). Experience is expensive and so here am I, having opted to be somewhere else but my bedroom. Old, familiar places have a way of haunting you. They remind you so much of moments you'd rather forget. They also make you feel as if life is nothing but a routine - a home-school-home kinda thing which life shouldn't be about. 

 And so you come here, paying for coffee that is 10 times more expensive than the regular one you get every day. Once you have settled in the perfect spot, you feel you have rented a haven for some purpose you deem necessary for you at the moment. In my case - to contemplate. 

 Coffee has a way of keeping you awake and when you are alone like me right now, coffee becomes a good friend - one who is always around, does not leave you unheard and hanging. It doesn't have a heart but it listens. It just listens. You can even customize it to suit your taste bud, to send pleasure signals to your brain. Coffee does not give advice. Instead, it helps you do what you got to do. In my case again - to contemplate.

 To contemplate on things I thought I had mastered, I had given others advice on them - things I thought I had always known, I could recite it to anyone. I thought I had learned how to guard my heart well..

 Have you ever said to yourself, "Here I go again?"

 Here I go again. 

 Have you ever wanted to just turn back time and play things differently?

 Is there such thing as a time machine?

 The lady just stared at my musing. That is fine. This is my place for now. I will muse to my heart's content.

 The people outside all look struggling to get a ride home. Sometimes it is hard to get home and the way home can be expensive. Often times, it takes a very long ride. Good thing, in my case, I only have to walk home tonight. The music in the background is a little upbeat. Coffeeshops shouldn't put on music in the air. Everyone, specially coffeeshop customers is entitled to his or her own music.

The coffeeshop crew are talking. I wonder about their story, and what they have to pay for to go home. I hate saying this because it reminds me of someone - someone I'd rather not talk about. 

 I'll have my last few gulps of this coffee and I look at my watch. Latte, my friend will soon be gone and I will eventually have to go and leave this place I have rented - stop musing and walk home.

-JCR (April 4, 2011)

Dark Way Home

I walk home on dim paths yet I walk anyway..

Headlights blind me but I have to push through...

I pass by scary strangers, I had a scary experience once..

I walk under shadows of big trees,

not knowing what awaits me...

Yet I walk anyway...

I decide to be kind to someone and buy something...

Yet I have to cross the street with huge trucks.. 

Sometimes mechanical things make messages clear...

Kindness too has its perfect timing..

I arrive home and I have to fix my clothes,

but I know I have to write first..

Some things are more important than

keeping things in order...

Orderliness can wait..

My head has a slight ache, but I write anyway..

Some things are more important than comfort..

Sometimes, order does not matter

Sometimes, disorder is the only way to go..

- JCR (April 4, 2011)

Fly Away

When faced with adversity, man’s most natural and easiest reaction is to run – get rid of the unpleasant by quitting. We work our way through life and sometimes we don’t like what it has to offer us. Things happen unexpectedly. We are shattered deep in our hearts and we are often helpless. Family members die. We fight with loved ones. Co-workers misunderstand us and talk bad about us. Teachers discourage us to do better. We often struggle to make ends meet. Sometimes, we do not even have a name for our turmoil. The truth is, life is not always a Santa Clause – it is sometimes more like a Grinch that robs us of things we think we deserve. Then we feel deprived. 

We run away. We quit jobs or school. We break relationships, close friendships. We relocate.

The question is: is running away the solution?

I’ve run away many times in my life. I have gone AWOL because I could no longer stand the work schedule. I’ve quit school because I decided to pursue a relationship (a bad one). Then I concluded I was a big time quitter.

But many times have I decided to stay despite of difficult circumstances - only since I allowed Jesus to be Lord of my life. Since then I recognized that my life is not my own and that He alone sees the big picture.

When I was in my second year in college, I was having some serious relational problem that made me want to quit school but God sent people and used the Bible to tell me not to. During my internship in a public high school, I also wanted to stop, but His word told me to keep going. It seemed to be the hardest thing to do at the moment but now, I am glad I obeyed. Had I really followed my own will in one of those times, I wonder where I’d be now.

Whenever I look back by remembering my past and reading through my journals, I realized how the Lord has been guiding me.

According to Charles Ringma, “Any change is never a permanent solution. Only change based on careful reflection should draw us to new places. This should be coupled with the recognition that no matter how difficult the new direction might be, it is the only path we should now walk. It is the inner certainty of the rightness of the new direction that will sustain us, not whether or not the familiar place was difficult and the new is going to be wonderful.”

The bottom line is: just because things are not going well with us at the moment does not mean that we have to run away from it. In every endeavour or journey, the first few days are the hardest. Our failures do not define our being – nor do they alter our identity. In fact, they will sharpen more the image we have of ourselves. Our decision, therefore should not be based on the difficulty of the situation, but on the word of the one who holds the map of our lives.

Jesus modelled well one of the hardest things to do in life – to wait. When mockingly asked by his brothers to perform miracles in the Festival of Shelters in Judea, Jesus replied by saying, “You go on. I’m not going to this festival, because my time has not yet come.” (John 7:8)

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

The key is knowing God’s will because in it, we can rest easy. Often times, we short-circuit His beautiful plan for our lives when we run away from where we are now because of difficult circumstances.

Once we have the conviction that the difficulty comes from the Lord, we can be assured that He will give us the grace to not only survive it but come out a better person through it. A beautiful moth was not born beautiful. It was a caterpillar first that had to wait in a cocoon and struggle well out of it so when it’s ready, it can spread its beautiful wings and fly.