Loving or Just Filling a Void?

img source: http://muneera.com/2013/05/slideshow/whats-in-your-water/

When we are being kind to the one we love, what are the chances that we are merely repressed and scared to challenge circumstances and materialize our fear of isolation? When we are being patient and silent and opt to say the good words instead of the bad ones, what are the chances that we just hate changes and that we’d rather live peacefully with those we are not even at peace with? Could it be that we are merely preserving ourselves when we refuse to hurt them and try our best to prove that we are the real deal and always will be? Could it be that we are too scared of a broken relationship in the future that we’d rather have our partner be the antagonist so just in case, we won’t have anything else to think about but move on? When we try to be good to them, is it because we care or are we simply trying to keep them because they fill a void in our lives?

There is a thin line between loving others well and using them to fill an empty space in our souls. I use the phrase “love others well” because I believe we are all capable of loving; some people just don’t know how to do it well. I still fail sometimes yet since I came to know the Lord Jesus, I have learned that loving others is not enough – I should do it well. The love I give to them must be an outflow of God’s love for me. The popular way of loving though is the kind that sucks life out of somebody else, the kind that destroys rather than builds, the kind that kills rather than gives life.

We cannot give what we don’t have. The reason we are failing could be that we are drawing love out of an empty cistern. We have nothing more to give. We seem deprived of love ourselves yet we are disillusioned by the thought that we are heroes or heroines in somebody’s life, and have perhaps been possessed by the notion that our “love” is the drug they need. No pun intended.

To love well is to know what love really is. We could start with it being patient and kind according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. If you believe that it is otherwise, then perhaps this is not the thought you want to hear. When we love people, some may love us back, some may not but if we are to love well, the reciprocation should not be the motivation. We don’t love simply because it is exciting. We don’t love because we feel empty. We don’t love because life is a mess. We love because it is a God-given gift and privilege. We love because it is God’s command and it blesses others. We love for many good reasons and we love especially because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). He has so much love to give and he created our hearts to be capable of receiving it – we just need to open it up. 

Simply Because

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Life is not always exciting. It is at times difficult, confusing, boring, plain, depressing, sad and disappointing. This is so if we are looking at events or the people that make them happen or even worse, the frailties of our very being, that weak part of ourselves we have been trying to deal with all our lives – wounds that run deep and date back to childhood. We are in constant watch of our tendencies, careful not to make any more mistake. Then sometimes, all we could do is sigh – simply because life has not turned out the way we want it.

But the truth is that there is a huge percent of life and destiny that we cannot control and we have the option to be grateful, to be hopeful, to feel blessed, to try harder and not grow tired of doing what is right, simply because it is the right thing to do, simply because God is pleased. We can choose this path simply because God is with us, simply because we have a personal relationship with Him and simply because He is much greater than Life itself.

When Jesus Swerved

image source: http://kristinbeasley.blogspot.com/2011/07/jesus-defies-culture-woman-at-well.html

I like it when I am reached out to. Who doesn’t? By God’s grace, I have been helped by many people in many ways. But the kinds that left footprints in my heart are those that cost a lot to the one who did it. We all want to feel special and the moments I feel that I am are those when someone did something just for me, for my sake and good - not just taking me home because they’re heading in the same way; not just giving me stuff because they don’t need it anymore. Of course, these things are a blessing but you get what I mean.

Today, some incident made me feel unimportant and I will spare you the details. On my way home, I tried to recall one event the Bible might have about God paying particular interest in individuals, and God brought to mind the story of the woman at the well.

In that story, found in John chapter 4, it was clearly stated that Jesus had to go through Samaria (v.3) - taboo for a Jew to do since Jews were not supposed to associate with Samaritans. But Jesus went out of his way, broke racial barrier, disregarded social norms just to have a heart to heart talk with a woman from an outcast tribe – not just any woman, a woman with 5 husbands! Yet Jesus spared precious moments of his time telling her of the wonderful life in store for her.

That woman left the well a new person. A simple chat and her life was never the same. This is allegorical to moments when someone – no less than God himself goes out of his way to show His love, moments that instantly captivate my soul and change my life forever.

Jesus was tired from ministry that day, but he went to Samaria anyway. Samaria was out of his way, but he went there anyway. It was a path no Jew was supposed to go but he went there anyway. It was clearly out of his comfort zone but he chose that way anyway.

Every time I am tempted to feel insignificant, I should think twice and remember this account of the Bible - the day when Jesus swerved, went out of his way, didn’t care to be judged, did something out of His comfort zone just to reach out – to remind me that I am important, to make me feel that I am loved.

Hope Above Hopes

We have hopes in life: hope to finish college, to bag the job we've always wanted, marry the man of our dreams, catch the earliest bus, save enough money for travel and the list goes on.

All of these comprise the dash between the day we were born and the day we will die. 

In my case, it's 1985 - only God knows when. 

See that dash? The hopes I mentioned above are found there. There is however a bigger kind of hope that goes beyond that. And God revealed this to me in a fresh way. It is this one hope that can faithfully hold you even when you're hoping against hope about any of those things above or when all hope is seemingly gone.

While I was reading 1 Thessalonians 1, I came across this phrase: "enduring hope you have because of our Lord Jesus Christ.."

And it struck me that despite all our struggles in this life, all our victories, happiness, both good and bad times, it'll all boil down to whether we have something to hope for in the end.

And this is the kind of hope that matters after all. If you believe that there is life after death and you're sure that you're spending eternity with God, then you're on the right track. 

Let your hope be enduring - one that will not end after the dash of your life is over. If you're not yet sure, it's never too late. Click here to find out.

On Suicidals

image source: http://www.thebipolarmarriage.com/suicide-prevention/

I was watching Fox Crime awhile ago and I was shocked and deeply moved by the story of this very bright and known-to-have-a-good-disposition college freshman who, having been triggered by an online group of suicidal people, finally decided to end her life.

The site was very sophisticated - complete with all the details a suicidal wants to know and should know - from the different ways of doing it to tips on writing suicidal notes.

I was struck by this line in hers (a paraphrase, of course): "We all need to cope in life. I just don't want to cope anymore."

I figured it's a wilder world in the web. Demons have disguised themselves digitally and have become very good at it. Our news on national TV are of apparent events of society - people getting killed here and there, women being abused, wars over some piece of land - but wars, commotions, battles are many within the hearts and souls of people behind monitors and in front of web cams.

The family of the girl exerted effort to help ban and file criminal cases against such sites. But like the usual case - no law could support it. 

Our failures in passing good laws against internet crimes is one thing - thinking about what the girl had to go through and what could have been done to save her is another. I wish I was there to tell her NO. 

It's not that people can not cope - when people decide it's the end, they just can't find any solid reason to keep coping. 

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If just, by any chance, you feel you're suicidal, DO NOT seek help from those who also need help. Blind people cannot lead other blind people. It's not only stupid; it's impossible.

If you're from the Philippines, this will help:

Manila Lifeline Centre 
Hotline: (02) 8969191
Hotline: Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191

Or if not:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

It Does Not Have To Be Like That

image source: http://stay-at-homemomwhoknew.blogspot.com/2011/12/hope.html

Thursday, June 17, 2010 at 10:01pm

It does not take a genius to believe that there is more than what meets the eye.

I believe this. And if I were a stranger and look at myself, I would not know who I was and how I have become who I am now.

Because I am not the same person anymore, it is very real to me how change is possible to anyone, anywhere...

I am perfectly aware that if a stranger would talk to me, he/she would not know of my struggles in high school, my drink-till-you-drop nights out with friends (I used to be the one asking friends out for a drink.), my experiments with cigarettes (I smoked because it looked cool, specially in a bar like Prince of Jaipur, rubbing elbows with the stars), or my relationships (my co-dependent, clingy ones...).

Now I know that life does not have to be a constant struggle...of endless wondering if it has any meaning after all..

In life, we remain to be restless if our hearts are left wandering and searching.. For in each one's heart is a storm... and I'm not that very old, but I have tried different sorts of umbrellas and coats to shelter myself from it... but it comes scary with thunder and lightning.. and it's like being in a crowd but still feeling alone...

I have tried crying until my tears are dried up and no one could even hear me...

I have tried following my heart... I tried loving my way...

But the answer was not there...

I would look at myself in the mirror many years ago and I did not like what I saw..

I had my share of glorious achievements but still, life remained pointless...

I look at myself now and I like what I see... not because I have the face of Heidi Klum or Angelina Jolie's body (which is of course, just an example :)), but because through the deep way God has worked in my life, I have started coming to terms with who I am inside, and how God values me... that with or without other people's comments, I am a beauty..

I look at the work of my hands and I delight in the fruit of my labor, not because I am the richest woman alive or I have the brain of Einstein (another example :)), but because I have finally appreciated being able to do things: to live, to love, to serve, to learn, to teach...

Life does not have to be that bad... It sure is difficult sometimes (it's a storm remember?) but with God walking with me every day, it's not just a safe walk, like a fun stroll at the beach, but an adventure in the midst of any storm (even if it's the Ondoy-type).

On Falling in Love with the Self

I made a status here that read: It is better to feel pain if you’re in touch with your heart than be happy yet live in denial. Someone asked me if I was in love. I simply giggled and said to myself and her, “Well, yes… maybe, with myself.”

I am in love with myself now. This time I believe there is nothing wrong with it. I could be accused of narcissism or perhaps, selfishness. But this falling in love with the self is the kind that is not supposed to connote any selfish intention, but rather a realization of one’s reconciliation with himself/herself, like some part of him/her has died in the past because some harmful intruder killed it. And because of this, the self decided to consciously or unconsciously consider this part of his/her being really dead, because it has become unpleasant and unacceptable. And now, by the spirit of grace and love, the self now starts to recognize this phenomenon and acknowledges that it needs to be alive again, so that the self is made whole like it has always been designed to be. Now when this realization comes, the self now starts to be in touch with his/her heart, getting acquainted and gradually getting into a deeper relationship with her whole being. And this is where falling in love with one’s self comes in. I am falling in love with myself since I am reconciling with facets of my being I realize are desirable and are worth loving.

Now, going back to that status. It is sometimes painful to start recognizing the “dead parts of the self” and accepting that they need to be alive again. But as the old saying goes, ‘no pain, no gain.’ Without pain, or acknowledging it to be necessary and legitimate and actually allowing it to pierce through the heart, healing won’t come. But if one continues to hide things behind tag lines such as: “Look at me; I’m happy and successful.” Or “I have moved on,” then life is just going to be a play or a make believe for him/her.