A Very Sorrowful Moment

On May 1, 2009, I was at one of my lowest points in life, yet I was at the peak of experiencing God's abundant grace and faithfulness... and then I made this prose:

If only crying the whole night

would drain all my sorrows away...

This pain has no name

My heart is carried by a will that is not mine...

My feet are moved only by God's grace...

This is my weakest

yet my strongest...

I am strong because

God is the one carrying me...

My pain has washed away my iniquities..

My cross has purified my heart

God is my only refuge...

I choose Him, I choose life...

This is when I am stripped of all denials before Him

and to myself...

My past wounds are uncovered,

made visible, exposed..

to His gentle healing

God is my great doctor,

I don't need a second opinion..

I don't want to sleep it off..

If only I could sleep and wake up and

find everything to be different..

but NO...

God wants me here..

Now is the time to bask in sorrow, to contemplate in pain,

to rejoice in sadness and my loss..

God is mighty to save...

If I could turn back time,

What moment do I go back to? and start all over again?

When I was 8? 19?

Do I regret taking the steps God asked me to take?

Do I regret receiving that vision from Him?

Some time in November?

December?

...............................................

Is there a computer program to undo this pain?

A formatting command to erase the memories?

Perhaps an anti-virus to remove all the trojans and worms

and all the unknown, unwanted things?

People say, "Struggle well"

How does one do so?