On Loving

all my life, i have been consciously and subconsciously looking for someone to love and love me...
as if i'm a broken heart and that person is the other half that would finally make me complete...
i have been through many heartaches...
of broken trusts, promises and of wondering why things just don't work...
somehow, i have grown tired of it...
i wonder if it is me, life, or the system of loving or of love itself...
i can choose to just grow numb, though and just forget about loving...
but then i realize that love is inevitable...
and that i'm only a girl...

but now, that my brokenness in loving others well has become real to me,
i realized that there is something i haven't done before,
and that is to truly love myself...
and be one with who i am...
and reconcile with my whole being...
and acknowledge all that is about me, even those that i am not and those that i can not become...

i discovered that loving is not just all about myself..
it is about the man i would love and receive love from and would embrace life with...
for love is not merely receiving..
it is i guess a process, sometimes a painful one for me to become whole so i am able to love my partner and others well...