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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Fear Factor

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 at 4:22pm

I already wrote about my ziplining experience last March. I described there how excited I was to be 250 m above the river and that I suddenly realized I had fear of heights and decided to close my eyes until I was greeted by two men telling me I wasted the whole experience. Not wanting to agree with them, I opened my eyes on the way back.

What I did not describe in detail was what really transpired before I finally had the guts to open them. I seriously prayed. I told God that I was so scared, that I was embarrassed, and that I wanted to try again. I heard a voice that said, “It is okay to quit.”

I could not believe this was the voice of God so I quieted myself for awhile and sincerely asked Him to speak to me, to tell me whether or not I would find myself shattered among the rocks below if I do it. Then I swore I would hang on to that word, despite my fear, despite any negative feeling I was having at that moment. “Tell me anything Lord and I’ll believe it.”

There was a voice that said, “It is okay. You will be safe. I will be with you.”

The sight of the rocks below and the harness and ropes that literally supported my life, did not convince me this was true. But I realized that if that conviction really came from God then I could hang on to it regardless of any feeling, sight or condition. So I asked God again, “is it you speaking to me? Not my ego telling me to save myself from another embarrassment?” Then I felt peace in my heart and I was convinced that it was He.

With arms stretched and eyes wide opened, I got on that zipline again. I felt like a bird for 40 seconds and the sight of nature swept off all the fears away. I did not only survive it, I enjoyed it.

That experience made me realize that God wants me to enjoy life and not only survive it, that I need to listen to that tiny voice inside me so that I could look at fear and discouragement in the eye and tell it to back off simply because I know in my heart that I would win, not because I am strong but because God is.

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