God Still Speaks

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One of the most popular ways for people to battle all sorts of trials in life is through PRAYER. Praying is indeed powerful and even Jesus engaged in prayer as he went through his ministry. However, Jesus DID NOT ONLY pray, he also listened to his father. Jesus read scriptures. In fact, everything he did was for the fulfillment of it. It is good to resort to prayers to gain wisdom, or loneliness, brokenness, emptiness, to express hurt and confusion and feelings of insecurities. However, praying is only one part of the equation. To win life’s battles in the long run, we have to be totally equipped with other tools to victoriously live the Christian life. In this day and age, we talk to God through prayer and he talks to us through the Bible. Without the latter, the believer would have nothing to hold on to, nothing stable to rely on. It’s like shooting a bullet without the gun powder. It’s like endlessly talking to a friend without reading the letters they have been sending to us. It would be absurd that all along, we have been missing out on life, on the very messages we needed to hear because we have failed to take the privilege of listening to God through His Word.

 I cannot overemphasize enough what the Word of God has done in my life. When I was a sophomore in college, I went through a major relational crisis that hit me so badly, I was almost ready to pack up my stuff, call it quits and just go back home. However, one person shared one Bible verse with me that changed my mind completely. JUST ONE BIBLE VERSE. And two years later, I graduated with a degree. There was also a time when I was so afraid of one of my college professors that I would always feel anxious to go to school, then in one of my personal daily devotions, I encountered this Bible verse: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the one who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)

 Forgive me for being blunt but we simply cannot know God without reading His Word on a regular basis, without making it a reference point in all areas of our lives. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,” (2 Timothy 3:16). To me, life has many compartments and aspects but our spiritual life is not one of them. Our spiritual life is not a compartment - it is the central driving force that defines us. We have to pray according to truth, otherwise, we would be spending the rest of our lives praying about something that God has already answered 365 times.

        “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers.” (Psalms 1:1-3)

My First Letter to My Son

Dear Jhun,

I am writing you now because one day, things are going to change and it will seem like yesterday when you and I spent one of the craziest stages of our lives, as a new mom and a new baby. As I write, you are spending time with your dad. Yes, there is life outside mommy and I have to keep reminding myself that. Sometimes, I have to rationally tell myself that you are safe with him every time I have to back off so you can have your ‘men time’. He is ecstatic about having you in his life too. It also takes effort for me to trust friends who offer to hold you. Call me crazy but at times, images enter my mind, of them dropping you on the floor or letting you roll off the hill in your stroller, but I am still sane, so the images go away and I realize I’m not the only one who cares for you.

You are 7 weeks today. You survived probably the most crucial moments of your infant life – getting out of a tiny hole, leaving the comforts of your life in the womb and staying at the hospital a little bit longer because of jaundice and oh, don’t forget our struggle with your latch. I wouldn’t know which one was the most traumatic for you. Life is hard as a new mom but I’ll never know how hard it is for a newborn. I was heartbroken when you started refusing to breastfeed after experiencing the bottle. But I feel proud of you when I look at you now, happy as a clam with my milk and getting chubbier each day.

I haven’t had a decent sleep since you came and I don’t own my time anymore. I have become a 24/7 on-call caregiver and your rapid changes compel me to be flexible, to overlook chaos and forget stability – all these despite the lack of sleep and lack of experience. Yet, as my prize, I get to experience your smile, your funny attempts to express yourself through your coos and enjoy the scent of milk on your skin. I don’t know when I’ll have my next free time, but you are fed, clean, safe, sound and thriving – and I already feel more successful than Oprah. I pray multiple times each day for various seemingly petty reasons – that you would keep napping while I rush to have lunch or take a shower or that the snoring sound in your chest is not pneumonia. My prayers are not always for the small things, though, for I pray that you will live up to your name, Jhun David - be as loving and faithful like your grandfather Jun was and become a man after God’s own heart like King David in the Bible.

Your dad and perhaps, everyone else in the world think I have become a little crazy since I had you – worrying all the time and sometimes feeling responsible for every bug bite, every cold and every constipation that you go through as a baby. I got to tell you - my heart breaks a little every time you cry, every time you are trying hard to sleep but can’t because of stomach cramps or whenever I see a rash on your face. It is crazy but I think that’s what we call ‘love’. I haven’t experienced this kind before so it can be a little overwhelming. I am convinced that if I am not careful, this love could be dangerous to you at some point – if I express it in a way that would not give you room to grow and be the kind of man God has planned for you to be. Again, call me crazy but I am already picturing myself scolding you for refusing to make your bed, or for not doing your chores, or talking you out of an unhealthy relationship with a girl one day. If someday, you might break a woman’s heart, remember that mine was the first you broke. Yet, I want you to remember that I will always be there for you, no matter what.  

I am praying for you Jhun because even though I feel like I am your Wonder Woman, I know I cannot always shield you from the ugly sides of life. I pray that you will be a Superman to many people, by God’s grace and according to His will and purpose for your life. If one day, you might doubt your worth as a person, remember these days when God did not only express His love for you by compelling me and your dad to take care of you despite all the challenges, but projected His very being through your existence. You are worth my back pains, this drool on my shoulder, my aching breasts, these stretchmarks and these tired eyes. I got to go now, to check whether you didn’t roll over the bed and suffocated yourself.

Your crazy mom,

Jill

                                                                                                                                                

In One Year

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Moving to a country half way around the world. First year living with my husband. Death of my father. Birth of my first child – all of these happened to me within the course of one year. A year ago today, I arrived in the US to begin a new life with my husband, Jody. One of the major changes I had to deal with was the weather. A lot of people here said that last winter was one of the worst – and yes it was kind of bad especially in terms of animal care, but I guess the fact that it was all new and somewhat exciting to me, and that I had no prior experience to compare it to, did not make it feel like the worst thing in the world. I will say the fall season was more challenging because my body was still getting used to the cold weather and my first trimester of pregnancy had just wreaked havoc to my hormones. Because of that, I wept many times for various reasons and sometimes, for no reason at all.

The spring finally brought hope at last to everyone including me – yet, on its onset, when the last ice had finally melted and our tulips were finally starting to pop out of the ground, my father died. I had often contemplated on how I would feel once that day came and now, I know how it feels. Yet for now, let me encapsulate in fewer words what I could in a novel – I cried my hardest the night I knew I was going to lose him. It’s a cliché to say he was a good father and it may be silly but sometimes, I wish he wasn’t, so there are no good or special memories to remember him by– yet that is not the case. My husband held me close during my sleepless nights – nights I was confronted with doubts, fear and confusion. There were times though, when it was hard to trust in God and easier to wallow in sadness and anger, thinking he was cruel enough to put so much on my plate. My family and friends had been telling me not to cry too much because of the baby – yet honestly this baby has heard all my wails and sobs.

Everyone says “the first year of marriage is always the hardest” and Jody and I agree to that. We’ve been through a lot, I will say. Again, I will capture in fewer words what could be said in a novel: marriage is inherently difficult (Gary Thomas) but I believe that there are certain characters and experiences that only a marriage could possibly develop and give – and that’s what makes it worth fighting for. I will speak for myself but mine has brought out the best and the worst in me. A few weeks ago, Jody and I had to change our routines and began playing one of the hardest roles in life: parenthood. Honestly, it’s like learning to ride a bicycle. We know a few theories but we simply have to do it, to be able to do it.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve had great times too, but I have only one thing to say, now that I have survived one cycle of shifting seasons, have stayed sane when Jody broke the news of my father’s death, that we could still laugh after a long, tiring day at work and could forgive and let go of each other’s faults and are now trying our best to help each other raise a good family: God is good. No, it has not been easy and I will not say I have everything figured out and have always been strong. God was and always will be. If there was someone who has heard and seen the most wretched side of me, it was God. I am glad He did not kill me during those times I expressed blame, anger and doubts at Him. He just won’t give up on me, that’s why I find myself just surrendering to Him at the end of the day. In my surrender, I find peace and pure joy. I also find God in my relationships, in circumstances that encourage me to take heart.  I guess that is just life – it is a mix of joys and sorrows, that there is a time and season for everything and yes, it could all happen within the course of one year but one person once said, “The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.” His plans are always good. Always good. All glory and honor to Him.

Why Does Evil Exist in the World?

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“If God exists and he is supposed to be all-knowing, all-powerful and all-good, why does he allow evil to exist in the world?” This is perhaps one of the popular questions most people are startled with when they think about God. For the sake of discussion, the god I am talking about is the Christian God. This is a very sensitive topic and I will try my best to attempt to answer that based on my readings, my discussions with religious people and my Philosophy of Religion course.

Much of the reason evil exists in the world has to do with God having taken the risks of giving freewill to mankind from the very start. I believe God gave Adam and Eve this freewill, otherwise, they wouldn’t have chosen to eat the forbidden fruit. That God allows His people to make moral choices – good or evil, is important in the authentic relationship He wanted and wants to establish with them. Would you call it a real relationship if God causally determined everything that you think, do or say? “Why does God want a relationship in the first place,” you might ask. A relationship springs from love. Love – the good and pure kind of love proactively seeks and maintains relationship. God is love (1 John 4:8). That is not romantic. That is the truth. So, even when the first parents (Adam and Eve) brought evil and suffering into the world, God still could not take away the freewill that he designed men and women with – even if that means freewill is being used by many to perform evil deeds. Think genocide, slavery, wars, diseases, abuse of all kinds, murder, rape – name it or just look at your own life. People steal from you; say nasty words against you and the saddest part is that the people who are closest to you are the most prone to hurting you the most. Does God know what you are going through? Yes He does (Matthew 10:29-31). God understood and He still understands the heavy burdens of being human so He provided a way for them to deal with evil the best way that they can by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross to pay the penalty for their sins (1 Peter 2:24). If you accept this truth in your life, you will be totally set free from the powers of evil after you die; instead, you will enjoy eternity with God in heaven. Accepting this truth also means that God’s grace has sealed up the gaps between the existence of Jesus in your heart and your constant struggle against sin and evil. This means that once Jesus is in your life, you will have the power to overcome both (Romans 6:18). You will not be sinless – you will just want to sin less and you are always assured of heaven (1 John 5:11-13).

There are times too that good things happen as a result of some evil inflicted to us in the past or as a result of our own evil choices (Romans 8:28). Sometime along my Christian journey, I once blew it big time (not that I didn’t sin every day) but my own mistake compelled me to seek help and go through a painful yet redemptive process of spiritual and emotional healing. That experience showed me the depth of God’s grace and strengthened my relationships with people. But just because we can’t seem to see a good reason behind the evil does not mean that there is none (Proverbs 3:5).  In heaven, it will all make sense or if God does not explain it to you once you are there, you probably won’t mind because you are awestruck by its grandeur, overwhelmed by the glory of God, amazed that the time has come when God has finally wiped the tears from your eyes (Revelation 21:14). Evil and suffering, no matter how deep and long it is in your life is not the be all and end all of your story. There is hope. Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Praying By Who God Is

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We are sometimes tempted to pray in the spirit of reminding God how good we have been for the past few days, past few months or even all our lives. We are tempted to think that perhaps God will be more favorable to us, more likely to say “Yes” to our prayers because of the many ways we think we have been obedient to Him. Yet this could be another form of pride, another way of buying God’s approval of our petitions. The truth is, yes God will bless our obedience and will certainly reward our faithfulness yet He will still bless us according to what He deems is good for us and for the accomplishment of His sovereign purpose. Our prayer in the first place is not a ticket to the fulfillment of OUR agenda, but of GOD’S. Prayer is first of all a realignment of our hearts and souls to His divine will so that we are made more united with Him. Prayer is not just for petition, it is for our relationship with Him. Therefore, our prayers should not tap on OUR goodness and OUR faithfulness but on GOD’s alone. (May 23, 2013)

Pleased by No Less than God Himself

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Many of us would rather please God all the time but feel uncomfortable spending time “being pleased” by Him. This is understandable; we live in a world where we are often judged by what we can do instead of who we are on the inside leading us to live secret or double lives. Many look fine on the outside; performing well but they’re rotting on the inside – wondering if there’s more to life than making money or being powerful or performing good deeds for God by giving and helping. Many of us tend to apply this performance-oriented mindset to our relationship with God. I do believe we have to serve God but if we can’t spend a day or even a few hours simply receiving what He is dying to offer us then we might want to check our hearts. Christ came that we might have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). He came to break the tension between God and man and establish friendship with him (John 15:15*) and He clearly demonstrated this desire for intimacy through the washing of the disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17). People at church will probably applaud us for our performance but God is dying to get closer to us by active fellowship with him once in a while – thinking about His goodness, reading His word or a book about Him, praising Him for who He is and basking in His presence by ourselves or with loved ones, soaking in peace and contentment feeling safe, revived and free - pleased by no less than the God of the universe Himself. 

* “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (August 28, 2014)

God, The Most Misunderstood

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If there is one who has experienced the most unrequited love, it is God. If there is one lover who has waited so long for the object of His affection to reciprocate His love, it is God. If there is one crazy suitor who waits night and day for the pursued to receive His heart, it is God.

God said in 2 Timothy 2:13, “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” The world perhaps has been clouded over by so much lies spread by the father of them that the gap established by man between him and His creator has been too long, too thick, too far that God’s voice is lost in the turmoil, hazy in the loud music of the world’s confusion – of its lack of understanding of the loving God.

Yet God continues to speak. In fact, for many years, He has never stopped. He has been speaking in so many ways despite the hardened hearts and the deaf ears of the love of His life. Yet, he will continue doing so because that is who He is, that is what He does. He cannot disown Himself. (May 23, 2013)

God is the Goal

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How we view God will determine how we relate with Him, with others and how we deal with both the prosperities and adversities of life. How we view him is therefore everything because it will affect not only our life on earth today, but most especially the life after it (even this view is influenced by my own view of God).

 Some people sincerely believe they are “godly” because they are doing “godly” things: giving to the poor, helping others in need or even leading prayer meetings and bible studies. Yet, the essence of having a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ is determined first of all by the direct fellowship of a person with God - how and how often he connects with Him by praying, reading the Bible and joyfully following it. Doing “godly” things is therefore just an offshoot of a vibrant, living connection with God. Otherwise, we are just making ourselves feel and look good or merely going with the popular flow of trying to do good things for no reason at all, or for reasons we don’t understand or reasons we will never associate with God. I am convinced that when we do good things based on our faith in Jesus, then that is true godliness. Again, otherwise, we are just being secular. I would even say that any activity is more spiritual (as long as it is not sinful) if it is done for the glory of God than a “spiritual” activity done for the glory of man.

 If God is number one in our life, we are hitting many birds with one stone. If we become so full of God, we couldn’t help but give “some of Him” to others; we couldn’t stand watching people waste their lives away; we would encourage them, pray for them and help them with their needs. Then again, helping others is found at the last part of this relationship equation. God first, then others. The true Christian tries his or her best to be on God’s side all the time – God’s partner, God’s friend, God’s messenger and this is a powerful statement but yes, God’s confidant and God’s lover. Now that I am married, I experience the wonderful blessing of being able to listen and share thoughts and feelings with my husband on a regular basis. Life becomes easier to handle and I feel guided in a certain way. But did you know or have you forgotten that the Church is the Bride of Christ? (Revelation 21:2) Our commitment and devotion to the Lord must come to a point when we can feel and know deep in our hearts that Jesus is the lover of our souls. And I’d like to emphasize the reality of that statement. It is not superficial at all. Experiencing God as a lover is possible – it’s as real as two people falling in love with each other or as real as the emergence of the selfie generation.

 Once we view God this way, God becomes the center of our life; he becomes not only our means to an end; he becomes both! We begin to do things with God and for God. That is because God has become our dream and our aspiration. If so, everything we do will be about pleasing Him and it will become easier to praise Him through both our victories and trials. If God is our goal, we can easily believe in His promises. But then again, if God is our goal, He will be more than enough. Time spent with Him will give us joy, peace and satisfaction. If God is our goal, I can only imagine what other goals we can achieve – but that is not the ultimate goal – God is.

My Journey to Womanhood

Before I was able to receive the love of a man who happened to be my husband now, and before I was able to reciprocate that love well, there was a God who loved me first, who unleashed the woman in me, a Father who affirmed that I was beautiful, worthy to be cherished and wooed. God of course didn’t appear to me physically or spoke to me with a loud voice, but He relayed with me through His Word and Spirit. By the help of very special Christian friends, I was led to join counseling. I know counseling can invoke many negative thoughts and I am aware that most people are scared of it. The most common reaction is “I don’t need it.” Well, that’s what I thought too. But I am not ashamed now that I went through it. I will never be ashamed that I was a broken person, found by the grace of God and was pruned and went through the furnace to make me the person that I am now. I will never be ashamed to say that it was God who worked in me to make me realize my worth, to make me love myself, to receive His love so I that I can be free to love myself and others well. One very important testimony I will ever share is that I have learned that it is one thing to love people, but it is totally another to love them well.

 I can sincerely say now that I love my husband and that I am feeling the joy of being a wife to someone. I just remembered a seemingly ordinary day when I realized that I had built walls around me. I wailed in deep desire for them to shatter. Comfortable as they may have been, I knew in my heart they were not supposed to be there. Those were some of my most vulnerable moments – when I took off all my masks before Jesus in deep cries and through fervent prayers.

I didn’t know how to heal my wounds so I had to let God do it. True enough, He embraced me in my surrender, spoke to me gently in my silence and healed me through my stillness. It was the closest I could have been to Him. Then as the days went by, new energies sprung.. like winter turning to spring.. flowers sprouting out and blossoming everywhere and streams of water appeared – almost from nowhere. The Lord renewed me and made me see who I really am – a woman; a beautiful one He will always cherish; one He will always pursue; the bride He has been waiting for. (April 21, 2014)

Back to Love and Grace

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There is a stage in a Christian’s life when he or she has discovered enough Biblical truths, has attended quite a number of Christian seminars and Bible schools and joined a bunch of Christian gatherings. At this point in one’s life, it becomes easy to point fingers at everybody else who the Bible describes as sinners and openly declare statements of faith typically out of a prideful motive. The Christian that proclaims Christ is now acting like a Pharisee. It is not easy to recognize when one is under this state – after all, the Christian is sanitized by the cozy and comfortable “fellowship” with like-minded believers every Sunday, praying for each other and often for protection against the world that is said to be persecuting them. The fact that the Christian has received Christ as Savior and Lord has somehow given him or her the license to easily pronounce judgments against everybody else who is different. The Christian who freely received grace and established relationship with God by it has practically refused to carry it out to the world that badly needs it.

These people – including myself every so often have chosen the ethical way instead of the loving way. We can always tell people what we believe. We can spend hours telling them Biblical truths assuming they haven’t heard of them before. We can spend years planning a conference to proclaim Christ’s love through an evangelistic concert. We can spend millions giving away Bibles or Christian books, tracks, etc. We can show them how many Bible verses we have memorized, stick the fish symbol of Christianity on the backs of our cars, wear WWJD bracelets and wear cross pendants. And yet will the world finally know Christ and stop perceiving Him as merely the good person, the wise prophet, a statue or a mere biblical character by these strategies alone? If we continue to minister to the broken world from a safe distance and replace discipleship through a loving, gracious relationship with long hours on the computer preparing for all sorts of church activities, are we still helping fulfill Christ’s Commission?

The world will continue to misunderstand Christ if we focus on looking righteous and eliminate being loving and gracious out of the equation. If we settle with sharing mere truth without love and grace, the Christian Church will remain to look like that – a church, just another religion. We may have forgotten that while Christ shared the truth, he also ate with sinners. While he rebuked, he also showed love. While he spent hours reaching out to a large crowd, he spent more alone with just a few – teaching and training them in the context of a heart to heart relationship. Love, grace, relationship, discipleship as practiced by Jesus turned the world downside up, not mere ethical practices, statements of faith, random criticisms based subtly on pride. Anyone can be ethical, even unbelievers can be excellent at adhering to universal moral standards but love and grace based on truth that come from a Christian’s heart can point people to Christ. According to Dwight L. Moody, “Of one hundred men, one will read the Bible; the ninety-nine will read the Christian.” (April 6, 2014)

Nice May Not Be Nice

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We often hear people make remarks about others by saying, “He’s a nice guy” or “I like her. She’s nice”. And after hearing that, most of us develop the general idea that the person is good enough. But what does it really mean when we describe people as “nice”?

In the Filipino culture, we often hear people saying, “Mabait ‘yan. Go withthe flow lang ‘yan.” (He is nice. He gets along with everybody). Most of us even like the company of people who we describe this way:  “Sobrangbait ‘yang taong ‘yan. Hindi umiimik ‘pag nilalait ng iba.” (That person is really nice. He just keeps quiet when people mock him).

If I were younger, those statements would make me think it’s “safe” to be with those kind of people and I wouldn’t mind hanging out with them often. But now that I am grown, I have realized that nice can be overrated, that I just don’t want to simply be nice and don’t want to influence others to be the same. I have come to an understanding that “safe”or “nice” is sometimes not wise and ironically, “safe” could be dangerous and bad in certain situations.

If you look around, “nice” has taken on negative meanings in many different ways. Underneath being nice could be webs of problems that sadly, no one has dared to deal with – because nobody wants nice people to change. Yet being nice could just mean not having the courage to do certain things for fear of failure, or just going with the flow for fear of rejection, or it could mean pleasing everybody to drink a sense of fulfillment from their praises. It could mean a lot of other different things. In other words, nice may just be a mere sign of sin and weakness.

I have seen the life of a couple with the husband described by everybody as “nice”. But this nice just means being henpecked and having a wife whose delight is to make his husband submit to her wishes and who is proud of it.

I have seen too many people even at church who are nice. They won’t gossip, won’t cheat or tell a lie. They are nice. But there is something about them that seems devoid of life – of the abundant life that God wants His children to live. There are so many people at church who speak about joy as written in the Bible – yet you see them tired, restless and worried all the time. Yet they remain nice because nice is supposed to be good.

I have seen people including myself who refuse to speak truth – truth that could have changed the lives of many but chose not to because we don’t want to throw stones into peaceful ponds. We don’t want ripples. We want the nice status quo.

Nice as it may seem, I believe to be simply nice is not God’s plan for His children. He wants us to be gentle as doves but shrewd as snakes (Matthew 10:16). He wants us to speak truth for those who cannot speak for themselves (Proverbs 31:8). He wants us to follow His ways even if it means going against what everybody likes (Romans 12:2). He wants men to lead their wives and not vice versa. (Ephesians 5:22-23) It is therefore not a good thing when husbands just simply follow whatever the wife says. That is not being nice; that is being scared. In fact, the nicest thing you think you could do to someone might be the most dangerous thing for him or her.

If we look deep in our souls, we don’t want to simply be nice; what we really want is to develop a good character. If you ask me how to do just that, I have one thing to say: trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and allow Him to change every bit of who you are. Jesus is like salt. Salt brings out the true flavor in the food. If you invite him in, He will help you become the person you ought to be. But the whole process is not all nice – it can be messy, I tell you. But then again you don’t want nice –you want life, the most abundant kind.

The Perfect Solution

 

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The Lord Jesus is not popular and controversial for nothing. To many, he was just a wise man that came to earth to set an example. However, Jesus was more than just a role model. According to the Bible, God made peace with everything through his death on the cross. (Colossians 1:19-20)

Jesus' death on the cross means everything to us who believe. It's the ultimate solution for the most major conflict of life which is MAN VS GOD. It did not only bridge the gap that separated Man from God, it continues to provide solutions for everything else that comes with accepting such truth in one's life.

Faith in this sacrifice for mankind is like that access road finally made and even concretely paved. It is that deus ex machina in a movie, that vaccine that stopped an epidemic, that light bulb idea that sparked an invention.

Jesus' death is the perfect, exact solution to the biggest cryptic drama of living and dying. It paid for ALL the sins of mankind. Therefore, there is no SIN too small or too big that God will not forgive. Otherwise, His plan was a complete failure. Jesus is not only the way to peace; He is the peace. He is not just the way to the answer; He is the answer. Jesus taught man how to live - not so that man may be saved; but that man may know how to finally LIVE because he has been saved.

Loving or Just Filling a Void?

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When we are being kind to the one we love, what are the chances that we are merely repressed and scared to challenge circumstances and materialize our fear of isolation? When we are being patient and silent and opt to say the good words instead of the bad ones, what are the chances that we just hate changes and that we’d rather live peacefully with those we are not even at peace with? Could it be that we are merely preserving ourselves when we refuse to hurt them and try our best to prove that we are the real deal and always will be? Could it be that we are too scared of a broken relationship in the future that we’d rather have our partner be the antagonist so just in case, we won’t have anything else to think about but move on? When we try to be good to them, is it because we care or are we simply trying to keep them because they fill a void in our lives?

There is a thin line between loving others well and using them to fill an empty space in our souls. I use the phrase “love others well” because I believe we are all capable of loving; some people just don’t know how to do it well. I still fail sometimes yet since I came to know the Lord Jesus, I have learned that loving others is not enough – I should do it well. The love I give to them must be an outflow of God’s love for me. The popular way of loving though is the kind that sucks life out of somebody else, the kind that destroys rather than builds, the kind that kills rather than gives life.

We cannot give what we don’t have. The reason we are failing could be that we are drawing love out of an empty cistern. We have nothing more to give. We seem deprived of love ourselves yet we are disillusioned by the thought that we are heroes or heroines in somebody’s life, and have perhaps been possessed by the notion that our “love” is the drug they need. No pun intended.

To love well is to know what love really is. We could start with it being patient and kind according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. If you believe that it is otherwise, then perhaps this is not the thought you want to hear. When we love people, some may love us back, some may not but if we are to love well, the reciprocation should not be the motivation. We don’t love simply because it is exciting. We don’t love because we feel empty. We don’t love because life is a mess. We love because it is a God-given gift and privilege. We love because it is God’s command and it blesses others. We love for many good reasons and we love especially because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). He has so much love to give and he created our hearts to be capable of receiving it – we just need to open it up. 

Simply Because

img source: http://www.coolchaser.com/graphics/tag/father%20love

Life is not always exciting. It is at times difficult, confusing, boring, plain, depressing, sad and disappointing. This is so if we are looking at events or the people that make them happen or even worse, the frailties of our very being, that weak part of ourselves we have been trying to deal with all our lives – wounds that run deep and date back to childhood. We are in constant watch of our tendencies, careful not to make any more mistake. Then sometimes, all we could do is sigh – simply because life has not turned out the way we want it.

But the truth is that there is a huge percent of life and destiny that we cannot control and we have the option to be grateful, to be hopeful, to feel blessed, to try harder and not grow tired of doing what is right, simply because it is the right thing to do, simply because God is pleased. We can choose this path simply because God is with us, simply because we have a personal relationship with Him and simply because He is much greater than Life itself.

Married Forever

img source: http://www.worksavelive.com/6-things-you-must-discuss-before-you-get-married/

I realized that to come to a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ is to pledge to stay delighted in Him despite any situation one is in. The essence of Christianity is not to devise one's own plans, manage one's own life outside the master plan of God and beg Him to bless them; the essence of Christianity is to be in constant communion with the Father by prayer, by reading His word and by living out His truths by grace through love whatever happens. It is to bask in who God is and allow one’s self to be a channel of His work in the world. Everything else falls secondary to what God wants so bad from us – our hearts, hearts that are generally committed to a lifetime of surrender to Him, a lifetime of commitment to be driven by His guidance.

When people reject Christianity, it may be that they don't want to be intimate with this God that appears to be unsafe because of his many surprises. The Lord is an adventurous God indeed. He takes people to roller coaster rides, to mountain hikes, to bungee jumping, to SCUBA diving and the like. He does not promise safety from bruises, cuts or falls but He promises that in the end, after all the adrenaline rush, one is eternally secure.

I cannot emphasize it enough that the essence of being a Christian is the relationship itself that which should go through thick and thin, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer. Yes, like that which requires the highest commitment mandated in Marriage. When we accept Jesus in our lives, we are married to Him - forever and ever. And if it is easier to understand the love expected to manifest between a husband and wife, then that is what I mean.

Why Jesus didn't Spit Back

image source: http://www.loyarburok.com/2011/09/01/love-god/jesus-cross-407x/

When Jesus was crushed, pierced, slapped and spat on the face, He could have crushed, pierced, slapped and spat back. No effort cause he is the omnipotent God. When challenged by that thief on his right to prove his deity, He could have put him and everyone else to shame by miraculously getting off the cross and heal his wounds right then and there. He could have chosen to transform gloriously and shine with majesty - glorious, famous, powerful, mighty - BUT not a savior, a redeemer, a healer. 

Jesus chose shame over fame, death over life to save the very people that condemned him. It is one thing to die for someone who loves you. It is another to die for those who hate you and want you dead. God chose to be blind to our hatred so that He can eventually win our hearts back. 

Out of that choice He made about 2000 years ago, God has provided a way for us to reach out to Him. Now, there shouldn't be no groping in the dark about how to please God enough to get to HEAVEN. The answer has been around for more than 2000 years. 

We can spend eternity with Him if we place our faith in the salvation that Jesus offers. 

When Jesus Swerved

image source: http://kristinbeasley.blogspot.com/2011/07/jesus-defies-culture-woman-at-well.html

I like it when I am reached out to. Who doesn’t? By God’s grace, I have been helped by many people in many ways. But the kinds that left footprints in my heart are those that cost a lot to the one who did it. We all want to feel special and the moments I feel that I am are those when someone did something just for me, for my sake and good - not just taking me home because they’re heading in the same way; not just giving me stuff because they don’t need it anymore. Of course, these things are a blessing but you get what I mean.

Today, some incident made me feel unimportant and I will spare you the details. On my way home, I tried to recall one event the Bible might have about God paying particular interest in individuals, and God brought to mind the story of the woman at the well.

In that story, found in John chapter 4, it was clearly stated that Jesus had to go through Samaria (v.3) - taboo for a Jew to do since Jews were not supposed to associate with Samaritans. But Jesus went out of his way, broke racial barrier, disregarded social norms just to have a heart to heart talk with a woman from an outcast tribe – not just any woman, a woman with 5 husbands! Yet Jesus spared precious moments of his time telling her of the wonderful life in store for her.

That woman left the well a new person. A simple chat and her life was never the same. This is allegorical to moments when someone – no less than God himself goes out of his way to show His love, moments that instantly captivate my soul and change my life forever.

Jesus was tired from ministry that day, but he went to Samaria anyway. Samaria was out of his way, but he went there anyway. It was a path no Jew was supposed to go but he went there anyway. It was clearly out of his comfort zone but he chose that way anyway.

Every time I am tempted to feel insignificant, I should think twice and remember this account of the Bible - the day when Jesus swerved, went out of his way, didn’t care to be judged, did something out of His comfort zone just to reach out – to remind me that I am important, to make me feel that I am loved.

Extravagant God

some of the friends I met during the trip: Grace, Erika, Irene, Me, Joan and Yna

I went to Manila, my country's capital some weeks ago to do 3 things: process my passport renewal, bring home some of my stuff and get my license - sounds good enough to spend some money on. Despite my online-research-orientedness and my having friends who are passport experts, I realized the day before I was going to DFA that I couldn't do it because I didn't set an online appointment. I instantly remarked, "So what did I come here for?"

With one of the important plans cancelled, I wondered what God wanted to teach me by the experience. Instead of sulking, I chose to let it go and be happy meeting friends. As I did so, I went to and passed by significant places when I stayed there for 7 years. I passed by the building where I first worked as an English instructor, bringing back memories in a flash especially the day someone shared to me about Christ and when I decided to accept Him into my life. I realized my life has never been the same since then. I also visited my university which brought a cathartic feeling seeing those students cram with projects, at the same time a nostalgic longing for the joy of sharing intellectual thoughts in class. I passed by the area where I struggled through flood and travel hazards to and from school. I had lunch at the mall whose walls and restaurants became witnesses to my frustrations, loneliness, joys and victories. I also went to 3 other malls where I had met special friends who knows deep truths about my life, who knows my terrible mistakes but continues to lift me up and see me through.

I met several of the special people in my life - people I consider I have an authentic relationship with, people I had conflicts with before, who spoke hard truth to my face and vice versa, but who I also shared some of my deepest joys with and who journeyed with me through hard times. These are people who made life in the city not only easier but much more joyful and exciting.

At the airport's waiting area on my way back home, I met a friend's brother who offered me a cup of coffee (He may have sensed my need for some hot drink). Coffee is coffee but coffee becomes something else, like a diamond at 5:30 in the morning. Some minutes before boarding time, I met an old friend who I hadn't seen for years - the ex-boyfriend of my best friend in high school. He reminded me of my teenage years. And I will spare you the details of how insecure and inferior I was back then.

That trip had been both cathartic and nostalgic - but all together forming a feeling inside that tells me how much blessed I am for how God has guided me through the years. The free coffee reminded me of His mini surprises that warm my heart; the failed passport renewal - that everything will be okay even if our plans don't work out the way we want them. I am just glad I hadn't missed these symbols.  If God had to have me spend money just to have a feel of it, to make me feel guided and loved and cared for, He would do it. That's how extravagant He could get - in pursuit of love, in pursuit of me.

Empty-handed Love

When my sister's family decided to move out to Mindanao, my 2 year-old niece, Theara was left with no other playmate - but ME. To my delight, she would come to my room early morning, wake me up and say breakfast is ready. She would watch me put make up on my face and force me to put some on hers. She would cry if I left to go somewhere and would yell out to say goodbye, I love you and don't forget to buy Mentos! When she got hurt, she would run to me and let me wipe away her tears. She would lay in my arms and listen to me tell her stories.

After a month, my sister's family came back and so did Theara's playmates. In the morning, I would realize I woke up late because the one who used to wake me up is now playing with my nephews outside. While they're busy role-playing, imagining scenarios, producing sound effects for planes crashing; while they're running everywhere laughing, sometimes fighting, I would just stand there and watch. Theara would never approach me anymore to say how beautiful my hair is or how much she liked my dress. I don't know what happened to her but for some reason, she would not let me hug and kiss her. She doesn't care anymore if I left for work. She is busy. She has her friends now.

Today, I came home with a huge announcement to the kids asking who wants to come to the store with me later to buy candies. All of them said a loud YES. I hugged Theara asking what she wants and with twinkle in her eyes, she enumerated the candies she wanted. I felt warmth in my heart. There's this special intimate feeling that only children can give - and I felt that again with her at that time. 

It dawned on me that I sometimes have to give material things to them to show my love and intimate feelings. And then I remembered God. Many times have God blessed me with good things that I was sure He was using to draw me close to Him. My laptop, printer, Ipod, bicycle, rubber shoes and even that dinner treat that satisfied not only my stomach but my soul through the company of good friends - that money from a friend that seemed like a gift dropped straight from heaven - that listening ear of a friend or that book that changed my life. 

But sometimes, God comes empty-handed. 

Life suddenly becomes a mess and I become just flat broke or something goes wrong with my relationships or my job. Then I am left with no choice but to gaze at the giver of all things. Seeing the tears in my eyes, He would tell me He is everything I need and I've got everything I need to not only survive but live an abundant life. In fact, I am blessed by Him this way. And I feel better after crying in His presence - not because I am made richer or a miracle happened in my relationships or my job - but I feel loved by no less than the Creator of the universe and beyond.

I sure love it when Theara finally hugs and kisses me because of my candies, but I will always love it more when she does it even without them. 

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"When our deepest desire is n0t the THINGS of God,or a FAVOR fr0m God,but GOD himself,we cr0ss a thresh0ld." - Max Lucado

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the  circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Philippians 4:11-12)

When He Comes

image source: http://mikemesserli.blogspot.com/2011/12/sunrise.html

What will you do when the president of the Philippines tells you he is visiting your home? No matter who you voted for president last election, you would most likely clean up your house, use the best curtains and doormats you have and prepare the best food you can think of. 

Jesus, however, who is the the King of kings and Lord of lords does not require such effort - for hardly do we even recognize his coming. When he was born on earth as a baby, He did not ask the world to make him a mansion or prepare him the best food. He was even born in a manger!

This is still true today. Afraid that Jesus will feel dishonored if we invite Him into our messed up lives, we'd rather not let Him in at all. Feeling dirty and unworthy, we hide from His gaze and we resent His every effort to reach out. This is what happened to Peter when he told Jesus to stay away because he's a sinner. 

Jesus can come anytime - in the midst of a divorce, while fighting against an addiction, while you are flunking all your subjects, while he family is on the edge of falling apart.

Accept Him as you are. He is God. He will not feel threatened. He is God - it's His job to help you get up and live an abundant life.

"I came that they might have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into him." (Revelation 3:10)