In One Year

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Moving to a country half way around the world. First year living with my husband. Death of my father. Birth of my first child – all of these happened to me within the course of one year. A year ago today, I arrived in the US to begin a new life with my husband, Jody. One of the major changes I had to deal with was the weather. A lot of people here said that last winter was one of the worst – and yes it was kind of bad especially in terms of animal care, but I guess the fact that it was all new and somewhat exciting to me, and that I had no prior experience to compare it to, did not make it feel like the worst thing in the world. I will say the fall season was more challenging because my body was still getting used to the cold weather and my first trimester of pregnancy had just wreaked havoc to my hormones. Because of that, I wept many times for various reasons and sometimes, for no reason at all.

The spring finally brought hope at last to everyone including me – yet, on its onset, when the last ice had finally melted and our tulips were finally starting to pop out of the ground, my father died. I had often contemplated on how I would feel once that day came and now, I know how it feels. Yet for now, let me encapsulate in fewer words what I could in a novel – I cried my hardest the night I knew I was going to lose him. It’s a cliché to say he was a good father and it may be silly but sometimes, I wish he wasn’t, so there are no good or special memories to remember him by– yet that is not the case. My husband held me close during my sleepless nights – nights I was confronted with doubts, fear and confusion. There were times though, when it was hard to trust in God and easier to wallow in sadness and anger, thinking he was cruel enough to put so much on my plate. My family and friends had been telling me not to cry too much because of the baby – yet honestly this baby has heard all my wails and sobs.

Everyone says “the first year of marriage is always the hardest” and Jody and I agree to that. We’ve been through a lot, I will say. Again, I will capture in fewer words what could be said in a novel: marriage is inherently difficult (Gary Thomas) but I believe that there are certain characters and experiences that only a marriage could possibly develop and give – and that’s what makes it worth fighting for. I will speak for myself but mine has brought out the best and the worst in me. A few weeks ago, Jody and I had to change our routines and began playing one of the hardest roles in life: parenthood. Honestly, it’s like learning to ride a bicycle. We know a few theories but we simply have to do it, to be able to do it.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve had great times too, but I have only one thing to say, now that I have survived one cycle of shifting seasons, have stayed sane when Jody broke the news of my father’s death, that we could still laugh after a long, tiring day at work and could forgive and let go of each other’s faults and are now trying our best to help each other raise a good family: God is good. No, it has not been easy and I will not say I have everything figured out and have always been strong. God was and always will be. If there was someone who has heard and seen the most wretched side of me, it was God. I am glad He did not kill me during those times I expressed blame, anger and doubts at Him. He just won’t give up on me, that’s why I find myself just surrendering to Him at the end of the day. In my surrender, I find peace and pure joy. I also find God in my relationships, in circumstances that encourage me to take heart.  I guess that is just life – it is a mix of joys and sorrows, that there is a time and season for everything and yes, it could all happen within the course of one year but one person once said, “The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.” His plans are always good. Always good. All glory and honor to Him.

Leaving Home to be Home (Moving to the US)

It was this day two months ago when I first arrived in the US. The 21-hour flight from one part of the earth to its exact opposite side felt a little crazy. I had certainly shown the naïve side of me by making surprising comments like, “It’s 7 PM and it’s still bright out!” and the Canadian guy beside me said, “of course it is!”
I was now in a totally different world; though, a few things were already familiar to me – like airports, security checks, cars and of course, my husband who drove for about three hours to pick me up. I started forgetting my body pains and that it was very cold when I saw him (big beard and all) waving and taking pictures of me at the waiting area. I had seen his big beard by pictures before which he said was a protest I couldn’t move to the US to be with him right after our wedding a year and a half ago. To see and experience the beard was special and it was radical and cool in a way. I wasn’t sure I wanted it to stay though, so it had to go. 

The moment I set foot on our house, I knew that a new chapter of my life has officially begun which is also true for him. I am experiencing culture shock of course and there have been days when a hundred bits of new information, new experience and new people all blend in together and create one overwhelming feeling inside. There’s a lot to take in.

I observed how efficient the American system is and how people here are still trying to make it even more efficient – you pump your own gas; there’s a vendo machine for everything (DVDs for rent, laundromat card); your doctor’s prescription gets digitally routed to a pharmacy so you won’t have to buy medicines there with one hand-written by your doctor (possibly with bad penmanship as I was used to in the Philippines); it doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to get from one place to another because a GPS will do just that for you; you ride on good roads in a very systematic highway system, you can buy anything online or have anything delivered by mail and before I forget, there are good bathrooms everywhere (flush, toilet papers and all). Because of these things, there are times I think that life is relatively easier here and there’s not much to complain about. However, I prove myself wrong whenever I hear someone get upset or angry because someone or something failed or is slower and less effective than expected. Somehow, it makes me think that the human desires are endless and unless one decides to just be content, he or she will never be content. I began to wonder how easy, happy and satisfying life might be for anyone anywhere in the world if he or she is more gracious, more understanding, more flexible, less critical and doesn’t rely on the system per se to make him or her happy.
It is easier said than done though and I am bound to make the same mistake – which is why, I try my best to rely on a much more trustworthy system – God’s Word and its role in my life. I have been going through different surprising changes and challenges every day – a part of which spring from the false expectations of people back home that setting foot on American soil automatically gave me a million dollars. Anyhow, I feel joyful and at peace and even closer to God in this place 10,000 miles away from what I used to call home because God’s Word is real in my life. Two days ago, I was very upset and felt alone yet Psalms 34 encouraged me more than Chinese food ever could. “The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” (Psalms 34:10). God’s grace has allowed me to see the brightest side of it all – sharing life with my husband which has been fulfilling in many ways. At church last Sunday, I was asked which is better for me, the Philippines or the US and from the bottom of my heart I said wherever God takes me - that is the better place. (August 7, 2014)

Married Forever

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I realized that to come to a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ is to pledge to stay delighted in Him despite any situation one is in. The essence of Christianity is not to devise one's own plans, manage one's own life outside the master plan of God and beg Him to bless them; the essence of Christianity is to be in constant communion with the Father by prayer, by reading His word and by living out His truths by grace through love whatever happens. It is to bask in who God is and allow one’s self to be a channel of His work in the world. Everything else falls secondary to what God wants so bad from us – our hearts, hearts that are generally committed to a lifetime of surrender to Him, a lifetime of commitment to be driven by His guidance.

When people reject Christianity, it may be that they don't want to be intimate with this God that appears to be unsafe because of his many surprises. The Lord is an adventurous God indeed. He takes people to roller coaster rides, to mountain hikes, to bungee jumping, to SCUBA diving and the like. He does not promise safety from bruises, cuts or falls but He promises that in the end, after all the adrenaline rush, one is eternally secure.

I cannot emphasize it enough that the essence of being a Christian is the relationship itself that which should go through thick and thin, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer. Yes, like that which requires the highest commitment mandated in Marriage. When we accept Jesus in our lives, we are married to Him - forever and ever. And if it is easier to understand the love expected to manifest between a husband and wife, then that is what I mean.

Choose well

image source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Wedding_rings.jpg

Choose the one you will enter wedlock with

The one you will love forever..

For into this path,

There is no turning back

No u-turns, no pit stops

For the word: ‘Leave your father and mother and you will be one’ is true

You will be ONE

His character will blend with yours

Your habits will influence his

Your mindsets will merge and find a common place to settle

If they cannot agree, they will clash

No ONENESS can happen and you are better off alone

Your ways will fit together like puzzle pieces..

Like coffee and hot water

Water and water color

Oil and canvas

You and him as ONE will form another force, another personality, another being

This oneness has the potential to make or break…

To choose is to create a future and shape destiny

To build a generation, to prepare for eternity

Choose the one you will enter wedlock with

For through good and bad times, you have to stay

Otherwise, WEDLOCK you shouldn’t have entered

There's More to It

image source: http://martyrollins.wordpress.com/2011/03/04/the-utter-necessity-of-purpose/

DISCLAIMER: This article conforms to the belief that sex is intended only for married people.

Sigmund Freud, a popular psychologist and the father of psychoanalysis would say that man’s drives are all driven by the libido – in other words, whatever one says or does, it all boils down to his or her sexuality. I respect Freud and I believe in his other theories (and you will even find the word, ‘sublimate’ in this article). In my observation of humanity, however, I found this one to be untrue. Of course, I don’t deny the relation between the libido and other aspects of being human – but what I discovered instead was that if one is not vigilant and self-controlled, his or her dreams and aspirations can easily reduce themselves to mere expressions of sexuality.

When I speak of dreams and aspirations, I speak of human’s unique dreams – his or her desire to be the best that he or she could be and ultimately make a difference in other people’s lives and contribute to make the world a better place. In my membership to an organization inclined to talking with people (even strangers) heart-to-heart, I have realized that everyone wants to achieve something great – be it a simple help for a family member or an entire community, or a desire to change the world in some way. Such dreams are gifts from above and every day ought to be a way to achieve them, or an endeavour one-step nearer to its reality. Many, however, would opt for the second best in life – forget about this and pursue easier ways to enjoy life. They have become slaves of their sexual energy and not masters of it.

Sexual energy that manifests itself in sexual desires is a part of the whole energy that is intended for one to achieve his or her purpose. It is never a separate compartment in a person’s life. It is not a tranquilizer or a mere pastime – it is a celebration. There is a reason why God prohibits sex out of marriage – depriving singles from enjoying it. He wants to say that there is more to life! In short, sexual energies in singles ought to sublimate creatively for more productive, helpful outputs - all part of God’s plan for them at a certain point in their lives. As God’s children, we let sexual desires sublimate this way - to please God and to fulfil His purpose through our lives – not the other way around.

Sex may help us forget things – even those planted deep in our hearts but it is never true that it’s all about it. We are all made for something great – larger than life itself and we should watch over it simply slipping into inferior, demonic ways.

From Adam's Rib

by Jill Christianae on Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 10:39pm
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Responding to some unexplainable urgency to read the Bible today, I decided to read Genesis again. I have read it before but today God has given me fresh wisdom and insights,specifically about meeting my lifetime partner.

Genesis 2:15-20 says:

15 The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. 16 But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—17 except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man[c] to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs[d] and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Verse 18 speaks of God's decision to provide a partner for Adam. I expected that from verse 19 will be details of Adam meeting Eve, but no. From verse 19 - 20, the Bible describes how God made Adam name all the creatures around him. This to me describes the work-orientation of man, their delight in succeeding, seeing results and innovating. Somehow, in the course of a life of working, man realizes that he needs a partner. The last sentence of verse 20 says, "But still there was no helper just right for him."

"Helper" is the term used in the Bible, neither lover, nor girlfriend. It dawned on me then and it becomes even clearer as I write, that God's first purpose for joining two people as husband and wife is to HELP each other. Help doing what? Remember that the help came out from the context of Adam naming the creatures. Therefore, Eve being the helper of Adam and Adam being helped by Eve tells us that husband and wife must work together for a specific purpose, at a certain time, in a specific place, also known as calling. In the time of Adam and Eve, it was naming the creatures, tending Eden, watching over it, etc. (v.15). This is a calling not only for an individual but for a couple. In verse 21, we see that God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. I ask, "Why didn't God give Eve to him while he was awake?" We notice that it is not just a sleep, it was a DEEP sleep. What happens in a deep sleep? Well, deep sleep simply means the absence of discomfort while sleeping because the body and mind are in a relaxed condition. This event in the Bible tells us that man has to relax in waiting for his partner because God is the one who orchestrates everything. We notice in verse 21-22 that God did so while Adam simply had to be in a deep sleep. This is a picture of Adam resting from his minsitry of naming creatures and tending Eden. God provided Eve for Adam while Adam was pursuing his calling, which reminds me that as a single christian, my first priority is to pursue my calling and God will take care of the rest including providing my lifetime partner. After all, God is a creative God who will work wonders in my life/relationships like how He wonderfully formed Eve out of Adam's ribs.

It is not new knowledge that Eve was formed from Adam's rib. But I asked, "Of all the body parts, why the ribs?" There could be many reasons why God chose the rib but God revealed to me that this rib formation illustrates the one to one relationship of a husband and wife, meaning that I, a woman like Eve is paired by God to only one rib, to only one man.This is a cliche but this means that there is only one man for me. God will bring me to his side and I don't need to do the orchestration on my own nor should I pray for God to make a man (who appears to be the perfect catch) be the one because long before, He had already prepared 'the one' for me.

Like Adam, my role is to wait, relax and make sure that when I am brought to the side of my Adam, I would love the helping role I would be playing. In other words, the best indication that he is the one is that we have the same calling and we could spend the rest of our lives not only enjoying each other, raising a family or preparing for a retirement, but 'helping each other out' in the purpose God has called us for. This truth should make me become still, relaxed and free to follow the direction God has set out for me. After all, Life is about God and His purpose and the rest, including my lifetime partner, are the details.