One Gift

 

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        It was Christmas morning. My sweet mother woke us up and ushered us to gather around our fake Christmas tree to check our Christmas socks clumsily hanging on its branches. Real socks, not stockings. The use of Christmas stockings was unheard of in our little town in the Philippines back then. We would use a real sock for Santa to stuff it with goodies. I excitedly turned my sock inside out to reveal what he had given me. In that little sock was a three-inch purple chocolate candy bar called “Midget”, a five-peso bill and one other thing I couldn’t remember. I was over the moon. I don’t even remember if there was anything else I received from my parents that day. Growing up, they would only give us ONE GIFT for Christmas but I always have fond and warm memories of Christmas eve and Christmas day – maybe because, there were other things to enjoy besides the gift-giving. Parlor games were often played and there were lots of laughter. Lots of light-hearted conversation, dancing and good food.

        Fast-forward three decades and I am now a mother to two little boys in a country, half-way around the world. It happens to be the richest country in the world. I have only been living here for seven years and one of the things that shocked me was the number of gifts people give each other on Christmas day. Every year, I stare at my son endlessly unwrapping gifts from morning till noon. Sometimes, it would even continue after lunch. When he likes something, we often have to tell him to just go back to it later because there are more gifts to open. Through the years, I have come to understand the logic of it – it is the perfect time to lavish someone you love with material things. Also, many of these things are needs like socks, crayons, clothes, etc. and wrapping presents brings some holiday cheer, anyway! (At least for me) It’s a totally different mindset. Aside from the gifts, “stocking stuffers” is also a thing in this side of the world. At first, I thought it was too much. But, this year, I decided to do it. We all have stockings – big ones that can be filled with little Christmas gifts like chocolates, little gadgets and little toys. Basically anything small. In theory, it’s potentially fun. Right now, let’s see how that goes.

        However, as a mom navigating holidays like Christmas with little kids, there is a huge part of me that wants to take my little boys to the Philippines and make them hang one of their socks on my mother’s fake Christmas tree and give them just one gift on Christmas day. I am curious to observe the emotions it will bring and curious to know whether it will be a big deal. I have always told my son the true meaning of Christmas and it is to remember and celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I wonder if the gift of the one gift will help him remember that and will help him enjoy other aspects of the celebration. I wonder if one is not less, but more. I wonder if 'one' is enough and 'more' only defeats the purpose. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder.

Our Dog, Sky Passed Away

 

Our dog, Sky passed away about a week ago. And even though, I feel like he deserves much more than a space in my Facebook feed, I am going to attempt to write about him slash us, anyway. I have never been a dog person so my story will be quite different from most dog-passing-away stories that you have heard. He came into our lives only a few weeks after I had immigrated here in the US. I never had my own dog before. In fact, I was afraid of dogs and still tend to be. So, when he was given to us as a puppy, he wasn’t the only one who needed training. Sky and I learned a few tricks together the first few years. To be honest, it wasn’t always a breeze on my part. Sky had a lot of energy and he did a few things that did not make me happy. I cooked some lumpia for a thanksgiving dinner once and there were a lot of leftovers but as soon as I went back to the kitchen, Sky had eaten each one of them. There was a time when he chewed through all the pacifiers that I had placed on the kitchen counter. He also went through a phase of going through the hamper and chewing on the pieces of underwear. I must have thrown away 15 of them. There were the occasional bathroom accidents that I needed to take care of. Sometimes, it’s a vomit or a dead animal in his mouth. There were a few times when he would take off and say hi to the neighbors which often gave me a heart attack. This sometimes required me to drive around the neighborhood searching for him or calling and texting some people. But then, most of the time, we were just normal. He would hang out with us in the backyard - roll on the grass and sit with us around the campfire or play in the snow. At times, we would take him with us hiking or camping or playing by the river. I would throw a stick far out and he would fetch it for me. Like I said, I am not a dog person but when my father was dying, I cried so hard and found my arms wrapped around a dog. He served as my security guard when my husband would go on a trip and I was left alone in the house. He has seen many family dramas and special family events including bringing our newborn sons home and he was always gentle with them - extremely patient and tolerant of their childish antics. He saw and heard all the joys, sadness and fears shared in our home. - all the craziness and everything that comes with being a family of four. As the years passed by, Sky mellowed down and we finally reached a sense of harmony and normalcy being in each other’s lives. But I wasn’t thinking about this too much. It is one of those things that feels too normal, that you think it will last forever. So when he died a few days ago, I was not very ready. I was distraught for a few days but I never thought that would be the end of our journey together. I did not know Sky was very much a part of our lives until he left. It doesn’t feel the same looking at an empty crate or having no one to feed or take outside. Right now, I’m not yet sure how I feel about dogs in general. I won’t probably be an animal activist anytime soon - I just know that a dog that is no longer in my life left a huge paw print in my heart.

Dear Second-Born Son

 

Dear Second-Born Son,

         Let me assure you that I am not writing you this letter out of obligation. There was a time when I felt that you also deserve one because I wrote to your older brother when he was only a few months old so I knew I had to wait for the right moment. Now that you are two years old, I know I am not driven by guilt. I have so many things to say to you. I am very proud to say that your dad and I wanted you so bad. You are indeed an answered prayer. Because of you, I will always have respect for the discerning abilities of babies. I say that because I know you sense a lot by what you see, hear and feel by experiencing life with us - by seeing that someone else has come before you and is doing pretty well. He is alive and pretty happy. You most likely sense that you can be a little more reckless because I have done the figuring out before. Been here and done it. And your instinct is probably right - I am more relaxed this time. Even though most things are still a learning curve for me, I pretty much know how I want to take care of a baby and I am now able to stand by my choices. You don’t talk much but you probably know that you are safe and loved - that you could jump into the pool and your dad will always catch you, that you could fall a thousand more times and I will always kiss your booboo, or you could cry and I will go running and offer a hug even before I understand what’s going on. Forgive me for bringing up your older brother too much. His existence will always mean something about who you are. When we had him, he had our full attention. Not so much with you. You were born seeing that you are not the only child, that you are not the only one we love. Most of your brother’s things were brought brand new but you get the hand-me-downs. But these things don’t matter. In fact, things do not matter. The things that you cannot see are the ones that do. Someday you will know what I am talking about.

 Your birth says a lot about you. You came out less than 5 hours before we were going to force you to come out. In the future, you might take a lot of time, but you are still going to make it. That is my prayer for you. This world is broken and there are many cruel people out there. But we can still find beauty and awesomeness amidst the brokenness and good people still exist. I am hoping and praying that you will grow up to be one of them, and inspire others to do the same. I love you too much that it is tempting to think that you are my possession - but you really aren’t. First of all, you are God’s - and knowing that is comforting and terrifying at the same time - but that’s just the flesh and the spirit talking inside of me. I’m excited to share life with you and go beyond this poopy, drooly, messy, noisy stage of life. I am not complaining; I am just expectant. In the meantime, let me end this letter and get some sleep - for tomorrow, my human alarm clocks will start my day once again - will drain all my energy but will fill my love tank to overflowing.

 

With love,

Mommy

On Mental Health

 

img source: https://www.clemson.edu/campus-life/healthy-campus/images/MentalHealth.jpeg

I love my sons and husband to death and for the most part, I love not working outside of the home at the moment. But I’ll be honest - there are times when I get extremely bored and overwhelmed at the same time. These are often combined with feelings of depression and anxiety. It feels like falling in a mud pit and nothing seems that interesting. Not even a chocolate doughnut or a Netflix marathon (In fact, I found that too much of this makes it worse!). All of a sudden, it feels like a huge project to take the dog out or do the dishes. Then I begin to ask why I suddenly feel so down and immediately I start to think whether my thyroid levels are off, or whether I am not exercising enough or whether my binge eating has finally taken a toll on my mental health. Realizing that I could answer yes or no to many of these things, I have confirmed that my well-being is dependent on a variety of things.

GOOD OL’ EXERCISE - I sincerely believe that we were designed to thrive through regular movement - ideally outside of the house where the sun can shine on our bodies and the fresh air can rejuvenate our lungs. Without the good ol’ exercise, our health which includes our mental health will have a hard time working properly.

GOOD FOOD - There is so much food out there that should not have been allowed for consumption in the first place. These food are not real food and they make people sick not only physically, but mentally. I am talking about food with 10,000 ingredients that are hard to pronounce and will last 10 years on the shelf. I will be honest that food is one of my weaknesses. I simply love to eat - and yes, sometimes, even food that are bad. I tend to binge-eat these crappy food products when I have bad feelings or when I feel bored. Choosing to eat good healthy food is definitely a step in the right direction.

HOBBY - As a mom, it is very easy to get drowned in a sea of routines and chores day in and day out. However, I believe that people were designed to be creative and to engage in activities that interest them. Sometimes, it is better to let the laundry wait and spend an hour or so feeding your soul by engaging in art, music and other areas of interest. It is taking one step back to be able to take many steps forward in everything else.

FAITH - As a Christian believer, my faith is a powerful force in my life. When all else fails, this is my safety net and my catch-all-else (for computer programmers, wink, wink). God affirms my existence and loves me to the core. I like how C.S. Lewis says it, “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” In simple words, it does your soul good to believe in God.

PURPOSE - I believe that a sense of this is crucial in everyone’s lives. I am convinced that this is foundational for a joyful and satisfying existence. This will motivate you to keep going every day despite all the challenges that life brings.

Life is hard and seeing a doctor for their mental health may be the best route to take for some people. If you sometimes go through episodes of depression, I encourage you to consider the things I have mentioned above. Take a deep breath and know that you are worthy to not only exist in the world, but to thrive and be amazingly satisfied.

 

Healing the Enemy's Ear

 

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I do believe that timelines matter in the Bible. For example, did you know that Jesus' last miracle was healing the ear of the High Priest's servant that Peter had cut off while Jesus was getting arrested? (Matthew 26) I repeat - Jesus healed the ear of the guy who was arresting him. Then Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Put your sword back in its place..for all who draw the sword will die by the sword." (Matthew 26:52).

I believe that the sword Jesus mentioned here is metaphorical to anything that we can potentially use as a tool to hurt people who we think are hurting Christ. Peter's loyalty to Christ at that time was a little bit unstable and wordly. However, Jesus wanted Peter to stop using his loyalty and affection as a weapon and instead, take it to a higher level in terms of treating others - even his own enemies, for the sake of the Gospel.

In today's world, especially due to the ease of knowing what everyone is up to, it becomes easier to spot our potential enemy - people who do things we don’t like or people who are on the other side of a political or moral issue. I am as guilty of it myself at times and I want to be very honest here but I see a disheartening trend going on among Christians - which is the seemingly hateful compulsion to defend Christianity as a religion in public platforms instead of spreading the Gospel and living it out. I see a trend of Christians losing opportunities of sharing the Gospel and making disciples in exchange for gestures of “defending the faith” or pushing back against persecution. It becomes even worse when politics is added to the rhetoric.

I feel like many of us are losing touch with what Jesus really wants us to do in the last days. I don't believe he wants us to spend most of our time expressing our anger on social media because Starbucks refuses to write "Merry Christmas" on their cup or to keep posting memes that Christianity is under attack. Of course it is. It has always been under attack but the last time I checked, Jesus wants us to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:18-20) which is the last thing He told the disciples before he went back to heaven. If someone you love was leaving on a really long trip, wouldn’t you regard their last message as the most crucial, if not, the most important thing for you to remember and do? Jesus wants us to "simply share the Gospel, by the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the results to God" (credits to Campus Crusade for Christ). In fact, the Apostle Paul said, "When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some." (1 Corinthians 9:22)

I am convinced that God can pretty much handle himself. He already knows that so many people couldn't care less about Him. He can handle the rejection and He is not surprised by it. Now, I believe that what He wants us to do is not to “nurse His wounds” and angrily defend Him against those who reject our message. Our job is simply to share it and love those who reject it, anyway. I like what Charles Spurgeon once said, “The Gospel is like a caged lion. It does not need to be defended. It just needs to be let out of its cage.”

 

 

God Still Speaks

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One of the most popular ways for people to battle all sorts of trials in life is through PRAYER. Praying is indeed powerful and even Jesus engaged in prayer as he went through his ministry. However, Jesus DID NOT ONLY pray, he also listened to his father. Jesus read scriptures. In fact, everything he did was for the fulfillment of it. It is good to resort to prayers to gain wisdom, or loneliness, brokenness, emptiness, to express hurt and confusion and feelings of insecurities. However, praying is only one part of the equation. To win life’s battles in the long run, we have to be totally equipped with other tools to victoriously live the Christian life. In this day and age, we talk to God through prayer and he talks to us through the Bible. Without the latter, the believer would have nothing to hold on to, nothing stable to rely on. It’s like shooting a bullet without the gun powder. It’s like endlessly talking to a friend without reading the letters they have been sending to us. It would be absurd that all along, we have been missing out on life, on the very messages we needed to hear because we have failed to take the privilege of listening to God through His Word.

 I cannot overemphasize enough what the Word of God has done in my life. When I was a sophomore in college, I went through a major relational crisis that hit me so badly, I was almost ready to pack up my stuff, call it quits and just go back home. However, one person shared one Bible verse with me that changed my mind completely. JUST ONE BIBLE VERSE. And two years later, I graduated with a degree. There was also a time when I was so afraid of one of my college professors that I would always feel anxious to go to school, then in one of my personal daily devotions, I encountered this Bible verse: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the one who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)

 Forgive me for being blunt but we simply cannot know God without reading His Word on a regular basis, without making it a reference point in all areas of our lives. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,” (2 Timothy 3:16). To me, life has many compartments and aspects but our spiritual life is not one of them. Our spiritual life is not a compartment - it is the central driving force that defines us. We have to pray according to truth, otherwise, we would be spending the rest of our lives praying about something that God has already answered 365 times.

        “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers.” (Psalms 1:1-3)

The Well is Deep

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After listening to the Gospel of John being narrated in the movie I was watching yesterday, I saw a few points with fresh eyes. One of the things that struck me the most was this line from the famous woman at the well: “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? (John 4:11)

         This was her reply when Jesus said: "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” Apparently, the woman had no clue who she was talking to and I was struck by her attitude because it reflects human tendency to be unfamiliar with what Jesus is capable of doing. "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DRAW WITH AND THE WELL IS DEEP." More often than not and whether we are aware of it or not, there are times when it is hard for us to believe that Jesus could satisfy our deepest longings, that he could understand our suffering or change some bad habits or heal our wounds. For some reason, we refuse to believe that Jesus could go that deep.

 Beloved, Jesus is capable. More than you will ever fathom. And He means it when he said, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)